[Will29]

Hi everyone do you find it difficult to hold down a job? I do. I'm intelligent, I have qualifications and I work hard but that doesn't seem to be enough. My Managers always seem to have a problem with my attitude. I am pleasant to everyone and always try to be nice but I'm shy and very melancholy. My quiet and less than happy demenour always seems to be the problem. I find it very hard to get involved with the office banter because of my anxiety. I think if I just keep my head down and work as hard as I can I'll be ok. I never say anything to upset anyone, it seems that just my presence alone is enough to make my colleagues and managers want to get rid of me. It's so disheartening because I can control how hard I work but I feel like I cannot control my personality. I'm applying for another job now but, deep down inside, I feel like what is the point. When I'm searching the internet for jobs, instead of thinking about what the work entails and weather I can do it, I'm just worrying about how much social interaction there will be. Does anyone else experience anything like this?

[layla11]

Hi Will29, glad you posted about this. I dont think I would want to work for these people if this is the issue. When I go to work, Im kinda like a robot to a certain degree. I say goodmorning, because I know I should then I go to work. I dont socialize with them but on a very supperficial way. I know I have to play the game to a certain extent. The rest of the time I completely ignore them and could care less. I work hard also, I notice alot of them are lazy, and have their own issues. Just go in say goodmorning and if someone wants to socialize just tell them, you have things to do and can talk later, then just never do. hope this helps some. ps sorry about my spelling am tier.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Will29!

Can you hold down a job?

In short, no. Depression, anxiety and other illnesses slowly ground down my ability to maintain a career and active participation in society.

Of possible interest: Google search on careers for shy people (some of the information is good for the depressed and socially withdrawn or awkward)

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Will29

Hi everyone do you find it difficult to hold down a job? I do. I'm intelligent, I have qualifications and I work hard but that doesn't seem to be enough. My Managers always seem to have a problem with my attitude. I am pleasant to everyone and always try to be nice but I'm shy and very melancholy. My quiet and less than happy demenour always seems to be the problem. I find it very hard to get involved with the office banter because of my anxiety. I think if I just keep my head down and work as hard as I can I'll be ok. I never say anything to upset anyone, it seems that just my presence alone is enough to make my colleagues and managers want to get rid of me. It's so disheartening because I can control how hard I work but I feel like I cannot control my personality. I'm applying for another job now but, deep down inside, I feel like what is the point. When I'm searching the internet for jobs, instead of thinking about what the work entails and weather I can do it, I'm just worrying about how much social interaction there will be. Does anyone else experience anything like this?

I have always had that same issue! I have always worked hard but because I am focusing on what I am doing on not on entertaining my co-workers, I rub people the wrong way. I don't come across as an orgasmic cheerleader so they think I have a bad attitude. I read an article somewhere that people who "fit in with the crowd" are more likely to get and keep a job than someone who actually works hard-and I do not fit in!

I am able to hold down this particular job because my peers are more depressed, moody, anxious and miserable than I am

[akekaomen]

I was going to make a thread about something like this, so I'll share my thoughts here. I hope you don't mind.

I can hold down a job, but mostly because I "play the game" around other people. I fake being interested in things and try my best to fake contentedness - I half-smile or partially smile around people. I've given up on thinking anyone will accept me as depressed and know that I just have to fake my way through things. I am a manager, so it's especially hard with a subordinate to "pretend" to care about what's going on with them when I'm tortured. Of course others in the office care about those having physical ailments, so I get jealous of no one caring about me.

The reason I was going to post though is that although I can do the job, I find it hard to really get anything accomplished right now. I'm in such a bad situation that my mind constantly thinks about suicidal ideation once I get ready to work on something. It's now a constant battle where I have to push my thoughts aside, but be too distracted to accomplish the task and then look for distractions to keep from the horrible thoughts.

I'm the only one in my family working and I'm out of sick time, so if I took FMLA, it would be unpaid, so I can't do anything like that - we can't afford rent as it is with me getting my paycheck. It doesn't help that my daughter's going through a lot like this at 12 and our family is in chaos right now.

Sorry if I took over the thread, but I think that part of holding down a job comes from techniques that don't feel good to do, but are effective like pretending. It sucks, but works. Of course you have to be able to do the work, which is becoming my issue - I can't get anything done because of this cycle of thinking.

[f.reliant]

Sorry you are struggling. I can relate!
This is but the smallest of tools, but try visiting http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp. It is basically categorizes your personality. Once you determine your personality type, you can Google various websites that pair up career paths with personalities. I had a professional assessment and it told me what I already knew...I was in the wrong profession (very stressful). I am now considering changing careers even though I’m no spring chicken. When choosing a new career path, I will consider job stress, my own personality as well as other variables which may impact my depression.

Being depressed certainly makes any job more difficult. I personally decided that my mental health is better off having a job. It’s not so much a need to be around others as wanting some kind of mental stimulation. Hope this helps. Best of luck with the job search!

[anon61514]

It is tough, people always start accommodating me and giving me special treatment, which makes me try less hard - leading to my eventual replacement/dismissal.

I can't play games with people, laugh about how drunken the weekend was, about "that ***** next door". It feels like I always end up making everyone else worry about what I'm thinking about.

Everyone makes special allowances for me, no-matter where I go. It seems like the world is in my favour all the time - just makes depression and poor mental health all the more frustrating, I should be over the moon about everything!

Not forcing understanding bosses to replace me because of my inability to exist meaningfully.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Will29

Hi everyone do you find it difficult to hold down a job? I do. I'm intelligent, I have qualifications and I work hard but that doesn't seem to be enough. My Managers always seem to have a problem with my attitude. I am pleasant to everyone and always try to be nice but I'm shy and very melancholy. My quiet and less than happy demenour always seems to be the problem. I find it very hard to get involved with the office banter because of my anxiety. I think if I just keep my head down and work as hard as I can I'll be ok. I never say anything to upset anyone, it seems that just my presence alone is enough to make my colleagues and managers want to get rid of me. It's so disheartening because I can control how hard I work but I feel like I cannot control my personality. I'm applying for another job now but, deep down inside, I feel like what is the point. When I'm searching the internet for jobs, instead of thinking about what the work entails and weather I can do it, I'm just worrying about how much social interaction there will be. Does anyone else experience anything like this?

I work because I have to; it doesn't matter how sick I am. As far as what you are describing, it depends on the workplace. Some workplaces place very high value on grinning, giggling, oh, boy, aren't we having fun-fun-fun attitudes. Most of this stuff is promoted by people who either don't have enough real work to do or this IS their real work. I've worked in this kind of place and I think they're pathetic. But I've worked at other places where you weren't allowed to talk at all unless it was a work-related question (and after you were trained you were not supposed to have any questions) and you were not allowed to leave the room unless it was break time, which everyone took at once.

If you are looking for another job, you might try to gauge the 'climate' of the place you are thinking about by visiting their website; reading about any stories about the company online or in the newspaper, and talking to people who are working there or have worked there--all before you apply.

The next time your manager makes a comment about your demeanor, ask for specifics. Not kidding around with coworkers should not be held against you, and you shouldn't have to put up with being made the office scapegoat.

As far as what the point is, in my present job the point is it pays the bills. I no longer look at it as a career and because of the way this place treats people, they shouldn't expect me to. I'm polite and I work hard and know my job description doesn't say "must eat dirt as boss deposits it."

It would be perfectly all right to ask potential employers to characterize the workplace; because you enjoy working quietly. They should be able to tell you if Happy Hour comes every afternoon at 4 o'clock or if the boss likes to throw parties every Friday or if it gets very loud, etc. Good luck with your job hunt.

[anon61514]

"It would be perfectly all right to ask potential employers to characterize the workplace; because you enjoy working quietly. They should be able to tell you if Happy Hour comes every afternoon at 4 o'clock or if the boss likes to throw parties every Friday or if it gets very loud, etc. Good luck with your job hunt"

Pure gold. I will keep that in mind myself. Thank you IceCreamKid