[Chuckleberry]

I hate myself and what I've done.

I posted recently about my general situation but it is specifically my broken relationship that is tearing me up.

My boyfriend couldn't handle my depression, mood swings and resistance to getting better. I think it was all beginning to trigger his own depression. He told me he couldn't do it anymore, the relationship was over, I went completely crazy. Crying hysterically, shouting, feeling like I wanted to die.
I feel so humiliated. We have talked since, I have apologised repeatedly and it is safe to say that there is no hope of us being together again. I completely understand why he can't be with me and I respect that decision.

I feel completely distraught for what was happened. It's my fault, nobody needs to tell me that. We used to be so happy together, we had talked about the future together and I truly felt that he loved me.

I really hate myself for what I have done, I've been weak and I don't know how I can go on with this feeling.
I know I've acted like an idiot, I was scarily out of control. How do

[Miswimmy1]

Sorry for all u are going through... I don't think you should blame yourself though... It's not your fault that you are depressed... At least i don't think so... Are you working with a therapist? They can be extremely assisting in helping to explore all of the emotions and feelings that seem to be rolling around in side.

[jelly-bean]

I'm sorry that you are having such a bad time. However, please consider that the way you reacted was probably a result of your depression. I understand your ex's feelings about it being "over". If he hasn't experienced depression personally, then he has no way of knowing how the things he says or does might affect you. I truly believe, though, that if he doesn't want to try to help you, then he wasn't right for you. Are you receiving any kind of therapy?

[seekingserenity2]

I go through similar things. I have a boyfriend now for two years and I try to ge as much help as I can. It is a long difficult road but I am finding that the 12 steps have help-ed a lot along with maedication. I am now looking for a therapist as well. I try to not act out on my feelings, when possible, reminding myself that "feelings are not fact" and they will pass. Although, depression is real and medication is sometimes very much needed to clear the "fog" that had taken over....I struggle every day and realize that it is my responsibilty to try and get help. I know my boyfriend cannot help me. he can be there for me, but that will get old if I don't try to change how I behave. I also sabatoge a lot. I am not clear exactly why I do this self destructive behavior. Parying for help for us all...