[Wilderness22508]

Hi. I am new to the forum. I registered in hopes of finding people that were going through similar things and could help me figure out how I got here. I will try to make my story as brief as possible.

I have always been one to handle stress well. Lots of stress. Bad marriage (first), single mom, getting up at 3:30am to commute 150 miles a day (round trip) to a job that I am very greatful to have. My life has always been fast paced and stressful - but I was surviving well.

Fast forward to September 2008. My husband, who had quintuple heart bypass surgery in 2004 at the age of 42, needed an operation to open some blockages in his leg. September 16, 2008 he went into the hospital for a cardiac cath as a pre op procedure for his leg operation. Cath went well. Heart was fine to have the additional surgery. Leaving the hospital that evening I get a phone call from our local Sheriff's office telling me that mt youngest son (20) had been arrested for possession of a controlled substance. Needless to say I was shocked, furious and devastated all at then same time. I retained an attorney for him and moved through the system to try to minimize the damage that he had inflicted on himself that would affect the rest of his life.

In late November my husband and I went out for a day trip. Everything appeared to be fine that morning. We had only been in the car 10 minutes when my husband began coughing and gasping to breath. He was able to pull the car over to a side street. He puts the car in park and says he has to get out to get some air. As soon as he steps out of the car he passes out in the middle of the road. I was scares to death. Didn't know if he was alive or dead. Called 911. They came. Took him to the hospital. He had a Pumonary Embolis (blood clot) in his lung. No doubt this came from the cardiac cath procedure in September (he had decided to put the leg surgery off until the holidays were over). He survived the blood clot and came home on Coumadin (a blood thinner) until it was dissolved. The Coumadin was making his blood to thin at times so the doctor had to play with the doses until they got it right. Just before Christmas 2008 his blood was very thin. The docs told him to hold two days on his Coumadin. He did. On December 28, 2008 he had a stroke (caused from the Coumadin hold).

Again, he survived the stroke, spent 13 days in the hospital and 9 in rehab. He regained about 75 percent of what he lost (entire right side). The stroke, however, left him permanently disabled. He had no retirement thru his job so he ended up having to go on social security disability. Financially strapped with a $3400 mortgage payment (which we could afford when we bought the house) we ended up having to walk away from our home and file for bankruptcy protection. Behind these scenes I am preparing for my 20 year old son to go to jail for 4 months of a 3 year sentence for possession of drugs. We found a rental and moved out of our home in February 2009.

Our bankruptcy attorney was a complete idiot. Cost me $10k in addition to my retainer and delayed our bankruptcy discharge for a year. Long long story - but the short version was that he didn't file some forms that he was supposed to file in the beginning and twice we went to court and he brought someone else's file instead of ours. There were other things but I won't bore you with those details.

Our bankruptcy finally discharged in January 2010. They foreclosed on my house in February.

My son did his 4 months in jail. Got out and now struggles with trying to find a job with a felony record. He is also being treated for Bipolar - so his employment issues go deeper than his criminal record. He is now 24 and still struggling.

Fast forward to 2012. We we able to buy a home this year. We began that process in February. We signed a contract with a builder and watched the house as it was being built. In May my father became very ill (he had very bad diabetes and other health issues). After a long suffering struggle he passed away on June 22, 2012.

I thought that I was handling everything including my fathers death relatively well. I guess I wasn't. The week that we closed on our house ( also extremely stressful) I had some sort of a melt down and ended up at the doctor. He gave me Klonipin for anxiety which helped. But then is became depressed. I cry over absolutely nothing. I don't want to go anywhere. Do anything. See or talk to anybody. I just want to sleep. My doctor has put me on a. SSRI (Viibrid) with the Klonipin. Don't know if that will work or not. I have had several melt downs recently that have kept me out of work for days and weeks at a time. I don't know how to handle this. I don't know why this is happening to me. I just want to feel normal again.

Hoping someone out there could help me understand.

[Leed]

Bless your heart ~ I'd be a basket case after all that! And you didn't even tell the half of it! Good grief.

Sweetie, you need to see a therapist, big time. I don't know if you have any health insurance where you work, but perhaps it will pay for it. I certainly hope so because you surely don't need any more expenses!! I'd suggest a psychiatrist ONLY because they can prescribe medication. I'm not conviinced you're on the right stuff, and perhaps a "shriink" can help you out there. I actually prefer psychologists because they give you more feedback duriing sessions. I was in therapy most of my adult life and I've been to psychiatrists & psychologists both, and "shrinks" just sit there and grunt. LOL I've NEVER gotten any feedback from ONE of them. That really ticked me off. So I decided to try the other, and they actually TALKED to me. LOL

I hope you can get into therapy soon, as you'll feel much better once you do. Getting rid of alot of "garbage" is what is needed. You may not feel particularly stressed, but you certainly are. One of these days you're going to blow -- and I can sure understand why.

Best of luck and PLEASE -- let us know how things go, will you? We really do care here. I wish you the very best -- God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[Wilderness22508]

Thank you so much for your response! I do have health insurance and actually have scheduled an appointment with a therapist, but her first available appointment was not until September 25th. I just hope that the sessions help. I have never felt this way in my life and I really hate it. Maybe I will make an appointment with a psychiatrist as well. So far my primary care is the one making my diagnosis. And, while I think I agree with it I, like you, am not sure that the meds that he is giving me is the right thing. I am almost afraid to take them because of the side effects. And you are correct - my synopsis was brief compared to everything that has happened. I just thought I could handle it all, and I am finding out that I cannot.

Again, thanks for reading and responding. I will keep you posted on my sessions and how they turn out.

[jelly-bean]

My Goodness, you certainly have had your share of problems! It's no wonder that you are having problems right now. I'm glad you are going to get some therapy. You are a very strong woman to have come this far on your own. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

[Mogeii]

Okay I read all you have been through and I am gonna say this: Depression has picked a bad target lol. You are gonna kick its butt. Bad. WAYYYY too strong to let it beat you. That being said, take the meds and im sure the doc told you they take awhile to kick in. The Klonopin is good for the anxiety while everything calms down. Your story is in the category of "situational depression" that I think when you do come around back to the positive, you will probably beat it so senseless that it wont come back haha. Good luck, but I think your brain is just getting caught up with all the stuff that you have endured so you will be good to go in not too long.