[agma]

I was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday night after spending a week in the psychiatric unit. Tuesday night and most of yesterday I felt ok, but last night and this morning I have really been struggling with feelings of depression, anxiety, and guilt. I have even had thoughts of hurting myself again. I am so nervous about having to face people again after what I did (even though most of them don't know). I feel so ashamed of what I did and what I put my husband through. I just wish I could like myself and enjoy life.

[optimize990h]

Originally Posted by agma

I was discharged from the hospital on Tuesday night after spending a week in the psychiatric unit. Tuesday night and most of yesterday I felt ok, but last night and this morning I have really been struggling with feelings of depression, anxiety, and guilt. I have even had thoughts of hurting myself again. I am so nervous about having to face people again after what I did (even though most of them don't know). I feel so ashamed of what I did and what I put my husband through. I just wish I could like myself and enjoy life.

I understand what you have been feeling. I went through a similar experience myself, but I was on vacation in a foreign country, so I had to put a public face and "enjoy" the rest of my vacation after my discharge from the hospital. (((agma))) I thoroughly emphasize and support you to continue to post at PC. I like to add that I share the shame too as although I was in a foreign country nearby shop keepers would point me out or give me a look that indicated they knew I was the "crazy tourist". I knew the word for crazy in their language so I heard that often. Even the local cops whose beat was in the neighbourhood indicated they knew through their body language and stares.

[Shadow-world]

Oh Agma, I am so sorry things have become so bad for you!
I am glad that you are here and I do hope you make sure you are safe. Please, seek more help if you have thoughts of hurting yourself again. Can they offer you a good therapeutic programme or scheme where you live or another kind of support that you can access as long as you need it?
Please, be kind to yourself. I think many of us have at least thought about hurting ourselves or worse or even acted on it so don't be too hard on yourself with regard to your husband.

I send you my warmest hugs and wishes, Agma!

[whimsygirl]

Hello agma.....I am so very sorry that you're hurting so badly Actually I was going to say exactly what Shadow has said, but nevertheless I believe it bears repeating....please be kind to yourself. I will be holding you in my and sending prayers.....whimsy

[layla11]

Hi Agma, thanks for posting your feelings, I have alot of the same feelings, but dont let it get you down. Who cares what anybody else thinks. Its nobodys bussiness. And its okay. Feel free to private message me if you need to talk.

[agma]

Thanks to everyone for responding. I am trying to take things one day at a time right now and focus on me. It isn't easy, but I am trying.

[optimize990h]

Hope u are well.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by agma

Thanks to everyone for responding. I am trying to take things one day at a time right now and focus on me. It isn't easy, but I am trying.

agma....... ~whimsy

[agma]

I feel like I am still adjusting to being out of the hospital. For a while, I thought I was going to have to go back since the sui thoughts were back and pretty strong. I am going back to work on Monday, and I am extremely anxious about it. The anxiety leads to depression and sui thoughts. I am really nervous about facing my coworkers. None of them know why I was gone, so I am guessing they will be asking a lot of questions. I know if I can just get past the first day back, then I will be fine.

[Tsuki632]

I work in a small hospital in a smaller town. I was "formed" a couple of years ago in our emergency room and sent to another hospital with a mental health unit. Nothing like a public breakdown! I was off for a few months and was terrified of going back to work and facing people. A few people knew what had happened but many didn't. I was afraid of the questions. One of the allied health workers at the hospital gave me the simplest response. Q: "Where have you been? What's up? etc..." A:"I was off sick. I'm back now" That simple, he told me that no one needs to know, it's none of their business. A simple answer often shuts down more questions.

I wish you strength on your return to work.

[doggiedo]

Agma, try not to worry what others will think. I know it's hard but u did a really brave thing going to get help. Keep taking one day at a time and hang in there. Hugs to u.