[DownfallOfUsAll]

Today one of the guys in my classes told me some stuff and it really made me think.

I hardly talk in class even though I really want to and I'm very closed off with everyone. Everyone does make an effort to talk to me though and I try my very hardest to speak back even though I can only say a few words.

Today my friend was saying things like 'everyone is trying hard to talk to me but I'm not giving anything back' and 'I need to try hard to talk otherwise I'm never going to get anywhere in life' and although everything he said was true and I know he was just try to help it's really upset me and got to me.

I don't feel normal. I honestly feel like I'm broken and there's something massively wrong with me. Although I know there are loads of shy people in the world I still feel like a freak. I just sit in class all day not talking whilst everyone else talks to one another although I'm desperate to have a conversation with somebody. I feel so so lonely. Espcially since I am the only girl in the course as well. I'm not used to being around so many boys. Even though everyone tries to include me I really feel like a complete outcast sometimes. I feel like I'm being so rude just not talking to anyone and I don't want to seem like I don't want to be there or anything.

I try so hard everyday to say something but I can't. I really really can't. I honestly think I will be stuck like this forever and I won't be able to live like this.

I'm completely broke as well and I can't afford anything. I live with my mum so she pays bills and stuff but I broke my glasses and I can't afford new ones so I'm blind and all my clothes are getting really old and starting to rip and tear but I can't afford to replace any of them. I need a job so bad but every time I come across one I read that they need someone who i s confident and energetic and all these things I'm not and so I don't apply. No ones going to want me anyway. I wouldn't even be able to get through the interview.

My shyness is completely holding me back from doing anything with my life but I don't know what I can do. I know people are just going to tell me to try harder and try and go up to someone but I know it's impossible. I'd probably just burst into tears because it's too hard for me.

I'm 19 now anyway, if my shyness hasn't gone by now there's no chance in it ever leaving is there? I don't know what else I could do.

[Mommilady]

Originally Posted by DownfallOfUsAll

My shyness is completely holding me back from doing anything with my life but I don't know what I can do. I know people are just going to tell me to try harder and try and go up to someone but I know it's impossible. I'd probably just burst into tears because it's too hard for me.

I'm 19 now anyway, if my shyness hasn't gone by now there's no chance in it ever leaving is there? I don't know what else I could do.

I think there is a very good chance you will be able to move past the shyness. I have experienced this myself and my son has it too, as well as some of my cousins, so I guess it's partly genetic. Anyway, my son takes Lexapro for depression but it helps with social anxiety as well. He is someone that barely talked to girls before this year but actually asked a girl to prom and she said yes. And I know he now talks to more people, guys and girls both, than he ever has before. He still has trouble talking to teachers and other adults, though, but even this has improved. So medication can really work wonders.

I was able to improve my shyness without meds, but it took longer. Usually you only need to ask a question or two to get someone talking about themselves. Many people are extraverts and don't need a lot of encouragement from introverts like us to get a conversation going. To us it feels like a tremendous effort. Even now that I"m in my 40's, I still get nervous around new people or groups, but I try to focus on one or two things a person says that I can ask them to share more about. It does get easier and more natural with time.

[Suki22]

honestly, if you haven't broken through the shyness now...well you still have a lot of time! seriously, the older you get, the more you learn the value of life and don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks! I was rather quiet, rather insecure but that faded with age. I came from a large family that didn't have any money. I came out in my 20's (no, I'm not gay!--just less shy) and then in my 30's, oh my god, my life got so much better! I know technically you're currently an adult but you're still so very young and you're not fully formed yet. you'll get there eventually so just keep doing what you're doing--learning, living.

perhaps what Mommi said may help--anti-(social)-anxiety meds may help. believe that the future holds a lot for you!

[DownfallOfUsAll]

Originally Posted by Suki22

honestly, if you haven't broken through the shyness now...well you still have a lot of time! seriously, the older you get, the more you learn the value of life and don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks! I was rather quiet, rather insecure but that faded with age. I came from a large family that didn't have any money. I came out in my 20's (no, I'm not gay!--just less shy) and then in my 30's, oh my god, my life got so much better! I know technically you're currently an adult but you're still so very young and you're not fully formed yet. you'll get there eventually so just keep doing what you're doing--learning, living.

perhaps what Mommi said may help--anti-(social)-anxiety meds may help. believe that the future holds a lot for you!

Oh okay thanks, I really hope I can talk more in the future too because this is too fustrating. I just want to get out and do what I want to do with this giant obsticle in my way!

[penguinsing]

That just what that one person's think. Not necessary true. And I doubt, coz it's seems people like you.

As long as you greet, smile and be polite I think you are fine. Everyone is different perhaps you are shy, but you are fine, and I think people in your class think so too, if they think like that guy do, perhaps they already gave up approach you.

Just be yourself, like you said, it's all male in the class, it may be hard to fine things to talk about to them. And also, you may be just a quite person.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For clothing, as long as you are clean and tidy, it's fine. And from people reaction they don't have a problem with it.

If some people don't like you coz of your clothing, they don't really worth your time.

i know in high school it can be a bit rough, since some treat the school as a cat walk stage (my pain) . But if you are in college, it will get better, coz there are variety of what people wear. If you are in college, for those who still think this way, they don't worth your time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Since you broke your glasses do you have problem looking at the board when the teacher is writing notes? may be you want to sit in the front.

As for the job description, they all write like that "confident and energetic". May be you can try a volunteer job, and build up some confidence and have some experience to wrote down in your resume.
Also, this can make some varieties in your life. Perhaps you are just home -school-home, a simple life, and hard to fine new things to talk about.

[Tsuki632]

No, you are not broken!!!! Different, maybe, but that's not bad. I read an article once about someone who sounds like she had similar problems to you. She became a mascot of all things. Because she could dress up and no one knew it was her, she could come out of her shell and be silly. It slowly gave her confidence when she wasn't in costume. I'm not saying that this is the solution for you, but that there is hope. As for a job. . . sales likely isn't for you, but maybe working in a library would be a better fit? It's not easy when you're in school. Hang in there.

[Cochise]

Hey i thought i'd chime in on the shyness part of your post. You sound like your having the same problems I had and am still having. Your shy and it's difficult for you to talk to people. I am the same way, especially in a classroom setting. I find being in a classroom full of people extremely uncomfortable.
Forgive me if I'm wrong, but you also sound somewhat young, like highschool or even younger. I feel like for young adults its hard to relate to a shy person and that why you feel so different from your classmates. The only advice I can offer from one shy person to another is that you have to realize it doesn't matter if you fit in or not. You should try your best to interact with people but don't be bothered that your not as extroverted as other people. Sounds cliche, but you have to find it in yourself to respect yourself and others will respect you. Don't write yourself off as "broken" just know that you are who you are.

[Kingsley85]

You are not broken. I think just about everyone here has an illness they continue to work on. If you were born diabetic would you blame yourself? It's not your fault if you have social anxiety. Part of mentall illness is contributed to genetics. I was very shy and basically an outcast in high school. When I got to college I was very shy for the first two or three years. What really helped me was taking a public speaking course. And I changed! I got my teaching license and taught high school for two years. I would never ever imagine that I could of done something like that. Will your social anxiety ever completely go away? Maybe not but it can get better. Sometimes I still get nervous talking but other times I'm fine. I know teachers who's biggest fear was talking in front of students. I would have never thought one of my teachers could of been afraid of talking in front of kids but it can happen. I'm a big believer in therapy if there is anyway you can get it. If your an adult and your not working (as it sounds like you are) I think you might be eligible for Medicaid which pays for almost all medical stuff including therapy. You can apply for it online. In the mean time set small goals for yourself. So next time you're in class make it your job to speak to someone about the weather for 2 minutes. That's it just 2 minutes then you can be quiet the rest of the time. Slowly increase the time and change the subject, like talk about new movies. You will realize you can do it, it's hard work but change is always possible.