Struggling

Hi everyone. I have never done anything like this before but I don't know what to do. I am currently home now and I should be at work. I have been struggling very badly in the past six months. I am going to be 23 years old. I have been suffering from depression since I was little. They put me on trileptal 300 mg along with the pristiq 100mg i have been on for years. They thought I was bipolar but I feel I was misdiagnosed and rather have severe depression and anxiety. The trileptal makes me very angry and have severe mood swings. I lash out on people I care about and then feel an overwhelming guilt afterwards. I called my doctor today and left her a voicemail-hopefully she gets back to me. I am so miserable. I can't stop crying. I have become a hermit. I have no love for myself and don't have any desire to do anything other than lay at my house. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what to do. I can't escape my own head. I can't stand to be with myself in my head anymore.

Hello & Welcome, Tronathon!
Calling your doctor was definitely the right thing to do. Meds can be helpful...and hurtful. If your doctor does not get back to you soon, be persistent (as persistent as you can given your condition). Your health is far more important than your doctor's convenience.

Please keep posting.

Thank you for responding. She is having me cut the trileptal in half to 150 mg and then i see her next week...it just seems so far away. I don't know how to cope in the meantime and go to work and pretend everything is okay.

Hi Tronathon. It sounds like you are in a really bad place right now and you need to keep calling your doc until she gets back to you. It's probably difficult for you at this point but you need some different meds or something and only the doctor can do that. I wish you well. Keep posting so we know what's going on with you.

Bless your heart. Obviouly the meds aren't quite right for you. Like you, I've been depressed since I was a small child. I don't know what it is to feel "normal." (whatever that is) I've been thru therapy off and on most of my adult life - I've since "graduated." Now I'm on Cymbalta 65mg twice a day, with Abilify 2mg on top of that. And I feel GREAT! Before this I was on Prozac but I had to quit taking it because I sort of got "immune" to it. That happens when you're on a medication for a long time -- it stops working, and you have to switch to something else.

Perhaps one of those meds would work for you. I have clinical depression, which is where the chemicals & hormones in your brain just don't work right, so you need something to "level" things off. Also, with clinical depression, you normally need meds for the rest of your life, from what I understand.

I hope your doctor can adjust your meds or else change them to something else more effective for you. Please keep us posted, and let us know what happens. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

The meds might not be agreeing with you. Make sure to tell your doc about your mood swings maybe they can make an adjustment. Hang in there, I've had days like yours and mood swings too. Your not a bad person you have an illness and you did the right thing to call your doctor.