[CastlesInTheAir]

I feel like a slave to myself. My mind just keeps going like a broken record of all the broken hearts, the pain, the regrets, anger, and sadness. I even think right down to the smallest of details of simple conversations I wish I would have handled differently. I think of revenge then feel bad for wishing anything bad on another. I wonder how I can make someone think differently, how can I make people see me, how can I make the world a more compassionate place. I daydream, sleep to dream, fantasize of the life different. I have had weeks of nothing but thought.

I tell myself to get up, do this, do that, think differently. The days end up the same but the scary part is I have not cried as often as i was since i have been hiding in this house just letting the days go by.

I keep waiting for that moment where something just sparks in me and i move along from those past thoughts to create a better present moment.

But for now i just lay and think over and over and over settling for nothingness, lame facebook games, android apps, laundry to do, messes, a lonely car waiting to be driven, makeup to be worn, a laptop needing a break, empty shell, a life undiscovered, smiles to be had, weakness to strength, cheese with that whine....

We have all been victims to something or someone in our lives in the PAST. Now on this day I believe that we fall victim to the worst abusers of them all, OURSELVES. How do we escape ourselves? How do you get closure for all the emotional abuse we inflict? How do we uncuff from our own minds? Then we even beat ourselves up for jailing ourselves in our head. Endless cycle of bullskit that we brainwash ourselves with. Damnit!

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Sorry you're feeling down Trish. Sorry I have no wise answers to offer...just hugs

[CastlesInTheAir]

Yea thats what sucks only person that can help me is me and im not doing a good job. They dont sell attitudes or new brains or a life at wal mart, i checked . The best things in life cannot be bought they are felt. I have read countless self help books that convey a moment of clarity but it lasts only a moment. That inner self worth can only be felt within not read or watched. Friends tell me until they are blue in the face that i am beautiful smart blah blah but none of that matters unless i feel it.

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[Snowy83]

My mind just keeps going like a broken record of all the broken hearts, the pain, the regrets, anger, and sadness. I even think right down to the smallest of details of simple conversations I wish I would have handled differently. I think of revenge then feel bad for wishing anything bad on another. I wonder how I can make someone think differently, how can I make people see me

I feel exactly the SAME especially the above. You are right, people can only give you so much advices, they may give you clarity for a moment, but after all YOU are the only one can bring yourself out of this darkness. I'm fighting everyday too, some days it may end better, some days don't. What I do is I think ACTUAL/REAL things in the past to change my mind, to prove to myself that this is the fact, the truth, which last much longer than the advices I received. Think about what good stuffs you've done in the past, what good people you've met, or good memories, convince yourself that what you used to think is wrong. You speak my mind

[Emotionally Dead]

I completely understand how you are feeling. I feel the same way a lot of the time. I regret so much in my life. I will say one thing. There are few things that are guaranteed in life. One of those things are that we will hurt, and be hurt. Sadly, it is a part of life. We can't blame ourselves for hurting others because those others have hurt as well, and if they can't forgive you that is their problem.

One of the worst things I have noticed, and the biggest "downers" in life, are the fact that we SETTLE. We only live once. We shouldn't settle, yet so many lives are ruined and families broken up because of settling. We settle on a partner and spouse, a house, a job, and our lives in general. That is one of the biggest issues I feel that we humans face.

So how can you overcome this? It starts with confidence. Never say "I am not good enough". You deserve to be happy just as much as the next person. The next step is to set goals for yourself. Find out what you really want in life, and then focus your energy on that. This can be easier said than done, but it is small steps. When we are really unhappy with our lives, we have to
o what we can to fix our problems with it.

I recently had something rather tragic happen in my life, and it really made me think. I decided to go back to people I have hurt, and apologize. A heartfelt apology. It helped me, because not only were most of them were accepting of my apology, I also saw that most were living their own lives and rather happy. I am not sure if that can help you or not, but it is an example.

I hope my post has helped you in some way, or opened up your mind a bit. Good luck to you, and I hope it gets better soon.

Originally Posted by triciadrich

Yea thats what sucks only person that can help me is me and im not doing a good job. They dont sell attitudes or new brains or a life at wal mart, i checked . The best things in life cannot be bought they are felt. I have read countless self help books that convey a moment of clarity but it lasts only a moment. That inner self worth can only be felt within not read or watched. Friends tell me until they are blue in the face that i am beautiful smart blah blah but none of that matters unless i feel it.

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That's very true. I believe that if you look hard enough and think hard enough ... you may see how to correct this.
But if these thought patterns have been implanted or engrained in you by someone in your past it may be hard to overcome.
You can do it though

[Onward2wards]

Triciadrich:

I think we have all experienced painful invalidations, failures, rejection or unreasonably harsh judgment at the hands of others, and tend to internalize it. We learn to reject and judge ourselves, at times. The secret is self-acceptance, so I have been told.

Here's the thing about self-acceptance though: it doesn't mean whitewashing. We all have things we want to do differently in the future; we want to learn and grow and not repeat the mistakes of the past. It is vital to believe we have the capacity to do so. Without that belief, we're in the position of wanting to change but not knowing how, so we end up either beating ourselves up or having to suppress our own feelings.

Emotionally_Dead:

One of the worst things I have noticed, and the biggest "downers" in life, are the fact that we SETTLE.

Absolutely!! One of my big problems.