Help me, please.

For anyone willing to offer assistance… I'm just bored of life, sad with my life, angry. About me; I'm an 18 year old female, I live with my mom, step dad, and they have a roomate who stays in a guest bedroom. I graduated class of '12, as far as schooling I'm glad to be out, I noticed my depression began during highschool mostly. I was just fed up with the work, the kids, the teachers, hated them all. I've never really had close-close friends and that is my fault, I just don't bond well with people, I do think that I'm socially awkward to a certain extent. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for almost 2 years in December. He's very kind and loving, I'm lucky to have him, however I get bored, I do suffer from a bit of co-dependency, I get sad/skeptical/ semi-jealous when I'm not with him, but when I am I get annoyed due to how bummy he can be, he has no job and it's always the same thing with him. He has an interview this upcomming week so these feelings are subject to change. We've broken up before, I was hurt for a few days but I found a "rebound" and was actually okay, he invited me to talk with him a month later and we got back together because I do love him. . . Anyways, as I said I'm 18, and most of the people I surround myself with seem so lively and fun, it's ignorant to say they'd never suffer from sadness but that's how it seems. I feel like I'm suffering fron a severe sadness, and I could pinpoint reasons why like being sexually assaulted for 2 full years in my early youth, or daddy issues like, not knowing my father for 17 years, him coming into my life, seemingly wanting to give me the world for a few months, and then his wife forcing us apart again, or like, having parents who dabble in narcotics such as ecstacy, mushrooms, lsd. . . when I first found out I was 15, and I thought it was "cool", we'd all trip together and have a blast, however the more frequent it became and the older I got I started to realize that it was not okay. I think I saw my step dad having intercourse with their male room-ate one morning after a night of rolling on ecstacy, everyone had called it a night at 6am once the sun came up, but I was thristy and went to get some water when I saw what I saw, and suspicious behavior to follow. I have since firgiven them, never confronted them, but the thought of it still hurts. There's just numerous issues that I've dealt with throughout my life, another major one being that I got kicked out of my highschool with was a "highschool/college" so if I wouldn't have been kicked out I would've recieved my associates along with my diploma at the same time, I spent the last two months of highschool at a different school, I knew some people, hung out with them at lunch but still felt very out of place and my depression became worse. I feel like at this point I should be doing more with my life but I'm so unmotivated to do anything really. My grandma hired me to work as a receptionist in her office and that's fine, I don't like it though. I just feel so scattered, another thing that I'd like to mention, well two things, 1. I get scared and paranoid quite often, like, I cannot watch anything "scary" or my mind will begin to wonder and I'll become frightened, and my boyfriend likes to watch stuff about aliens, or illuminati things and I just can't, I have but I think too much and I'm frightened of the end of the world. It's funny because I frequently comtemplate suicide but I don't want the world to end or hummanity. I read that perhaps the use of mushrooms and various other narcotics I've used in the past could be the cause of this "paranoia" being that I could be "schiziphrenic" but I don't want to believe that because it's only when I see things that influence these thoughts. I'd like to add also that I DO NOT do drugs anymire at all. The most is the occaisional cold or allergy medicine, however I do drink alcohol on the weekends. 2. I have had on and off anorexia/bullimia, and right now it's affecting me due to a large weight gain, I'm not HUGE, but I do feel overweight, well I am, I'm 5'0 and 135 pounds, so yes, I'm overweight. I've fluctuayed weight so much, from 100-140. Up and down up and down. I don't necessarily want diagnosis because my mind's not very strong I just want advice that if put into use will benefit me, I want to be happy, that's all. I want to be optimistic, I want to enjoy this life that I've been given and no longer waist it. I just want somewhat of a mental freedom to where my mind wont stray into a negative mindset as I'm in now, I want pure optimism. But how. . . Please help, anyone.