[lightyear780]

So I've been feeling really bad lately. I feel like a failure because I'm not looking for work and I don't want a job even though I need one really badly. (Even though I'm selling artwork; it's not something to live by but I like it). And I feel as though everyone my age or around my age is passing by and is not interesting in me or my life. I feel like I don't matter in the grand scheme of things even though I know that's not true. I know I put too much pressure on myself to be better than I am. I have a lot of good things I love about myself; like my artistic side and my beauty and my caring nature. But it doesn't make the bad go away.

The biggest obstacle I'm facing right now is that I feel stuck. I feel stuck because I'm depressed but can't bring myself to call a counselor. I'm stuck because both of my parents are disabled and I'm afraid that if I leave home they'll get hurt. I'm stuck because I'm supposed to be an adult but also a daughter and I have to be the parent and thus don't want to grow up. I want to have fun! And live life! But I feel really stuck.

I want to be able to tell my mom that I need help; because she's been there for me in the past. But last year we had our house burn down and she was diagnosed with a disease so I feel like she's grieving things too. I don't want to be a burden to her. But I also feel like she's not being there for me like I need her to be. For example, she's on some form of technology all day and doesn't even know when I'm upset. She used to notice.

Even today, she asked my brother if something was wrong but I'm over here in terrible pain and sadness and she won't even acknowledge it.

I'm disappointed in her and myself and I want to know how I can be encouraged to call a counselor and tell her. What I can do to address these issues and be okay?

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Lightyear780!

Sounds like you need help getting help -- a situation not unknown to depression. And it appears your parents are not able to be that help. How's your relationship with your brother? Were you to approach him, would he assist you in 1) approaching social support resources and 2) approaching your parents?

Please keep posting.

[Taiba Tanjila]

Hello dear Lightyear780!
I completely understand your condition, its sad and tough but still resolvable
I can assure you this condition is temporary and you will feel better. Now you would be wondering that how can this condition be better? so here is the answer that you have all the capabilities that can take you out of your depression. First know why are you so sad and worried? probably because you need a good job and you are not getting it and then feeling low for it, and in this condition you need a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry, right?
If you want to be ok,then you don't need any counselor, I am sincerely saying this because I am pursuing my career as a Psychologist. You can help yourself, you have enough potential. Its just that you are unaware of the qualities that you posses. You are not a failure, avoid negative self talk and self pity. You can talk me if you need anymore help. You have internet connection and a Computer so you can get any online job on many freelance websites

Lots of loving blessings on your way, you are very beautiful
Kind regards
Taiba Tanjila

[Snowy83]

Welcome to PC!!! Can you ask your brother for help? Like sharing the responsibility of taking care of your parents, lift some pressure off your shoulder. And your mother may not notice how depressed you are because you are acting normal in front of her? If you cry, she would surely ask what's wrong and care about you right? Sometime when you feel low, you would think negative about everything, to people, to yourself, to the situation. Talk with them, with us, would make you feel alot better

[lightyear780]

Thanks for your replies, guys. To answer some of your questions:

I have two brothers.

One has his own issues; our relationship kinda of degraded this year. To the point of not really having one. He recently got a job and is gone all the time. And before that he would leave for weeks to months at a time to a friends house without telling our family. I rarely get a couple words out of him a week.

The other brother is a bit younger than I am. I guess I could talk to him about some of the stuff. We have a much better relationship. But he kind of puts up an emotionless front; like things don't bother him that much and that it shouldn't bother me. He's also very averse to helping out around the house. So I really feel like the only one taking care of certain things. If I'm not doing things then my mom is. And my dad is the one bringing home the money in the small ways he can.

I may be acting fairly normal but when she asked about my brother feeling okay or not I was acting the same way earlier. Also, she walked in on my crying in my room last week and didn't say anything regarding that. She just started talking about something (Of course I don't remember what because I was angry for her not at least saying "What's wrong?").

I just feel really guilty. I feel like maybe I'm not helping enough and other times I feel like I'm helping too much. I think the real problem is that I've not been as accommodating to my mom as I have in the past. (By which I mean I'm not enabling her in areas where she's capable of doing things. Still I feel I walk the thin line of not-enabling and just being cold-hearted/selfish). She's rather depressed as of late and so this could add to it.

I just want my mom and I to have a normal relationship.