[Cataleya]

Hello,

I feel this forum is an appropriate place to vent about what is happening to me. I've been separated for over a year. My husband and I have never stopped contact, since he is a very big part of my life. However, I dated some people throughout this time. The last one really shook my world. He seemed to be all I wanted in a partner, and I have to be honest, had some of my husband's positive traits (I don't know how to call him at this point, since we are not divorced).

The relationship with this last guy went down south really fast. Once I got insecure about the seriousness of the relationship and started acting out based on that fear, he dropped it. We didnt' contact each other for a month, but then he started reaching out to me again (through facebook, even though I deleted him from it)...to make a long story short, what started as a strong connection with him being extremely (sometimes overly) attentive to me, respectful, and very interested in me as a person, turned into a purely physical thing that was going on and off for almost a year. We stopped talking about 3 weeks ago because the different "trys" didn't seem to work at all. He always told me I wasn't easy to understand, and that he was trying to figure me out. However, he was very secretive after our first try and became hot and cold. He only used texting to communicate and never took ownership for anything. We are both 38 year-old adults! . This situation left me worse than how I felt when I separated from my husband. Now, I'm heartbroken.

My husband and I continue seeing each other. I feel he still loves me and I think so do I, but I'm very confused about how I felt dating these other guys, and specifically the last one. I've been depressed, and have even had suicidal thoughts. I'm on medication now for it, and continue seeing my therapist. I train at the gym, see my friends, go to church, but it is still hard for me to let go of the feelings I developed for the last person I dated. I don't know what to do. I've been feeling hopeless. I feel like that guy rejected me for not being clear with myself, but I also know there were red flags in him in terms of his self-confidence and staying power. I still think of him and miss him. I want to understand what this was about. I want to move on and want to believe that I won't have to settle with my husband just because I feel nobody else will like me the way I am. My husband is a good man and he's also confused about his feelings for me.

Trying to get some light....

Hello, and welcome.

Not enough is known about the man whom you like but are separated from.

I could guess that it's one of about three things possibly:

1. He's either unstable
2. He may be extremely shy (maybe a little far-fetched for a 38 year-old man)
3. Or he's gun shy (meaning that he's afraid of a relationship that is too
volatile.

I feel others will be on to suggest some ideas, too.

Take care of yourself; I hope you and your husband are able to make
a marriage work well.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I have to agree with Genetic -- I don't think it's you that has the problem. If he's running hot and cold, it's HIM. He's either gun shy, or is very unstable. But he definitely has some problems.

I hope you're not angry at God cause He's not causing this. God doesn't cause stuff like this to happen. These are all "man-made" problems. And when God gave us this world, He GAVE it to us, warts and all -- for us to do with as we like. He doesn't interfere.

If you feel like you're "settling" with your husband, it doesn't really sound like a great match. Do you think marriage counseling would help? It's worth a try. It sounds like ht's the kind of guy who would go.

I wish you the very best. Take care. Hugs, Lee

[Bubbles22]

Hi there....

Something else to consider is you may need time to heal for awhile before dating just yet. This man you described could be a rebound relationship for you since your still separated & the divorce isn't final yet. You may need to do xtra self care during this stressful time in your life (ex. Get a massage, read, take a bath, etc). You can then turn your wounds into wisdom as Oprah would say . As stated above until your current relationship is healed w/ counseling of some kind & time then it will be much easier to have your personal emotions in check to move forward & date again. Please know you are loved very much by our Father in Heaven, we do have agency & bad things happen to good people as part of our life so we can learn & become stronger & wiser through our pain.

[CharactorAssassin]

I think you might have been aware of the lie bought and sold. It cost you. Now you need to be set free and find victory over the lies that deceived you. Its not your fault. But victory will be yours if you believe.

[Cataleya]

Thank you for your messages. I feel that some light, hope, and faith are so needed right now, and your words really help.

[allimsaying]

Originally Posted by Leed

I hope you're not angry at God cause He's not causing this. God doesn't cause stuff like this to happen. These are all "man-made" problems. And when God gave us this world, He GAVE it to us, warts and all -- for us to do with as we like. He doesn't interfere.

Beautiful replies!

Im not sure what advice to give about your boyfriend Datelya. Some of that is inner gut stuff and you might have a feeling about something being right or wrong for you.

To me, God is only love and doesnt do a lot of thinking about things. Its possible God was created at the same time the universe was and isn't more at fault for any of this than we would be as witnesses to a hit and run accident. Just my view but I love all the replies.