[songofpurplesummer]

Well, I'm not sure how this works, so I'm just going to go for it and vent.

I've been depressed on and off for a few weeks at a time for the past four years. I'm currently sixteen. My depression began when my family and I moved from the home I grew up in to a new house across the country. I had to start a new school with no one there to help me adjust. I developed social anxiety first. I would read books at lunch, or sometimes just pretend to read them so I didn't have to talk to anyone. Whenever my teachers made us partner up, I would nearly have an anxiety attack because I had no friends to partner up with.

My anxiety quickly turned into depression, and I would often come home with the strongest urge to kill myself, so I wouldn't have to go back the next day to face everyone on my own. I was even afraid to talk to my friends. After about a year living there, we moved back to my home state, but still about three hours from my home town. However, I visited my childhood friends that summer, and for a while I was out of my depression. Untill I began school again. This time I had my sister with me, so I wasn't as alone or afraid, but my social anxiety slowly came back. I had a few friends, but even when I was with them I still felt empty and alone. I would smile and pretend to be happy, but on the inside I felt like I was shriveling up and dying. It got a bit better, but it would fluctuate.

I've been at the same school for two and a half years, and my depression has recently gotten worse than it has been since I first moved away from my hometown, and I don't know why. I've recently joined drama club, I get to help out at the elementary school in my district through the career tech center, and I have a lot of friends this year, but I feel so hollow and alone and sad. I don't want to feel this way, and sometimes I feel like the only way I'll be able to get away from the feeling is to take my own life. I haven't taken it yet because I'm afraid it will hurt, although I have recently realized that overdosing on prescription meds won't. I scare myself when I think about it, and how much I want to do it, but it feels like that's the only way I'll be able to get out of it.

I haven't told my parents that I'm depressed yet, and I don't think they know because I pretend that I'm not when I'm around them, when in reality I'm suffering so much. I don't know how to tell them, and I'm afraid they won't believe me or think I'm joking because I've always done such a good job covering it up. I just don't want to feel this way anymore, and I don't want to cry myself to sleep anymore, or spend time wondering what the most painless way to kill myself is. I'm just really scared.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Songofpurplesummer! What would happen if you were to print off your above post and hand it to your parents? If you wouldn't feel comfortable giving the copy to your parents, is there anyone at your school or a doctor to whom you could give it?

The patterns and symptoms you describe need to be assessed by professionals. I hope you can find a way to reach out in a way that's comfortable - or least uncomfortable - for you.

[missthesun]

Originally Posted by songofpurplesummer

Well, I'm not sure how this works, so I'm just going to go for it and vent.

I've been depressed on and off for a few weeks at a time for the past four years. I'm currently sixteen. My depression began when my family and I moved from the home I grew up in to a new house across the country. I had to start a new school with no one there to help me adjust. I developed social anxiety first. I would read books at lunch, or sometimes just pretend to read them so I didn't have to talk to anyone. Whenever my teachers made us partner up, I would nearly have an anxiety attack because I had no friends to partner up with.

My anxiety quickly turned into depression, and I would often come home with the strongest urge to kill myself, so I wouldn't have to go back the next day to face everyone on my own. I was even afraid to talk to my friends. After about a year living there, we moved back to my home state, but still about three hours from my home town. However, I visited my childhood friends that summer, and for a while I was out of my depression. Untill I began school again. This time I had my sister with me, so I wasn't as alone or afraid, but my social anxiety slowly came back. I had a few friends, but even when I was with them I still felt empty and alone. I would smile and pretend to be happy, but on the inside I felt like I was shriveling up and dying. It got a bit better, but it would fluctuate.

I've been at the same school for two and a half years, and my depression has recently gotten worse than it has been since I first moved away from my hometown, and I don't know why. I've recently joined drama club, I get to help out at the elementary school in my district through the career tech center, and I have a lot of friends this year, but I feel so hollow and alone and sad. I don't want to feel this way, and sometimes I feel like the only way I'll be able to get away from the feeling is to take my own life. I haven't taken it yet because I'm afraid it will hurt, although I have recently realized that overdosing on prescription meds won't. I scare myself when I think about it, and how much I want to do it, but it feels like that's the only way I'll be able to get out of it.

I haven't told my parents that I'm depressed yet, and I don't think they know because I pretend that I'm not when I'm around them, when in reality I'm suffering so much. I don't know how to tell them, and I'm afraid they won't believe me or think I'm joking because I've always done such a good job covering it up. I just don't want to feel this way anymore, and I don't want to cry myself to sleep anymore, or spend time wondering what the most painless way to kill myself is. I'm just really scared.

Talk to someone. Go to the school guidance counselor or doctor. But you do need to let your parents know. A good long talk does wonders. Worth thing is to keep it inside. Took me years to figure that out.

[Leed]

Sweetie, whether you print this off, or sit down and talk to them they HAVE to know. Depression is a SERIOUS illness and is nothing to ignore. Depression in teenagers is particularly dangerous and should be taken seriously.

Please talk to your parents so they can take you to your doctor who can then refer you to a good therapist. That is what you need -- a therapist who can help you with this depression. He can help you get to the core of it,and then work on that with you so that it wont torture you anymore.

I wish you the very best. PLEASE --- keep us posted about what happens, will you?? Let us know when you talk to your parents and go to the doctor, etc. WE REALLY CARE AND WANT TO KNOW!!! God bless, and take care. Hugs, Lee