I don't understand.

I don't know what to do.. I constantly feel like crying. I never used to be like this! I used to be happy and outgoing with a little confidence, but now I feel so sad and find it hard to get out the house. I'm not myself anymore and only few have noticed it. I'm so used to hiding everything I start to fool myself, but as soon as I'm alone or I'm not occupied/distracted I start to over-think and I realize this and it hits me even harder.
I can't tell anyone or speak to anyone about this, though I so desperately want to, for as soon as I have the chance no words come out and I just cry. I've been trying to get help but anybody that gets involved seems to all have the same favorite saying- 'We have to be cruel to be kind'. But they make me feel as if it's all my fault and I control this. It probably is my fault, I don't know. I don't understand But what I do know is that I can't control it. If I could control this I wouldn't let myself feel like this!? My mind is a huge jumbled mess. You know when one of your small necklace chains gets all tangled and knotted and you can't seem to straighten it out? Well, it's kinda like that.

I'm sorry for writing all of this I tried to sum it up as little as possible. I've seen how helpful and kind people have been to others on here so I thought it's worth a shot.. Being as I can't talk to anyone, this seems like a good idea? To anyone who at least reads this, thank you.

Welcome to PC! I'm sorry you are struggling so much. Feel free to post as much as you want. There is always someone here to listen and can probably relate to what you are going through. I also suffer from major depression. Are you in therapy or taking an antidepressant?

Bless your heart. I don't know what knot head told you "we have to be cruel to be kind" but they sound like idiots to me.

Talk to your medical doctor. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. You have depression and that isn't caused by you. It's caused by a chemical imbalance! Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist who can help you work thru these issues, and get to the corre of what is causing this depression. And if it's necessary he will put you on medication. It's not always necessary. So talk with your doctor, ok?

I wish you the very best. Stop blaming yourself my friend. Those of us who have depression didn't do ANYTHING to cause this, and neither did YOU. Please take care of yourself and keep us posted as to what happens. God bless. Hugs, Lee

You said you overthink. If you know that is the problem, maybe you can counter it with rationality. If you recognize that your thoughts are irrational or troublesome, does it make sense to keep welcoming them? Maybe you need to coach yourself back to where you want to be.

You can control it and you can't. I think it's like building a muscle, not rewiring a circuit. It's not easy. We have the muscle memory of depression moving our thoughts for us and we have to cut if off and do something new.

Its good to be here to spill your thoughts. This is a very welcoming place, I feel, and a place where your depression will be understood and not judged. What advice we respond to depends on our personality, so even the most well-meaning and well-trained people's thoughts may fall on our deaf ears if the ideas are not compatible with us at the moment.

Thank you. No I am not, I have been to a doctor and they said that they prefer not to give any medication due to my age and prefer alternatives, this was a while back. I had a lady who came round every week, but I didn't get along with her and instead of referring me to someone different they stopped it all together. Again, the way it all happened I felt I was to blame as I couldn't seem to talk.. I do currently have someone who I see, but she is mostly to help with my career&future.

Thank you for your kind words! As I said above, they closed my case. They said I must be fine because I couldn't speak to the person? It was said that because I get along with the lady who's helping me with my career, I was to speak to her. Though even she said she isn't qualified for this sort of stuff, So I can just vent to her, I guess. I think I'll be visiting my doctor again soon.. Thank you Lee, certainly made me feel a bit better today

I don't welcome these thoughts. I do whatever I can to distract myself and keep focused on something, but it's not easy all the time. I get caught up in my thoughts I don't always realize. I completely zone out until something snaps me out of it.. If that makes any sense. I try.
I agree, this is a welcoming place. I can see this being able to help in someway. I thank any responses I may get, no matter what they are. So, Thank you.

After reading these responses it had made me feel somewhat relieved. I didn't mention everything in my first post for, it was my first post. I suppose when I feel more confident, I could talk more about things. I really do appreciate anyone who reads and replies to my posts!

If you are finding ways to cope and change your thought you are on the right track.

As far as getting help, I personally don't really agree with medication for all circumstances. It changes your brain, not always for the better. Many people have bad experiences with several meds before finding one that works. If you can avoid that trouble, that's what's best. Also, they are not tested on people under 18 which is why the doctors didn't want to give them to you. From my experience, people don't understand medication. They tell you it balances your brain, that you need it or else you "suffer alone", but they must have never been on it. It's a drug. It makes you feel like you're on drugs. It can stablize you, but that take months. Lots of people have problems with meds and they keep taking them anyway. I really think there are better ways to deal with it. I just found this article yesterday, it basically says when you're overactive the best thing to do is go somewhere with trees, go into nature. And its scientifically proven that this helps quite a bit with irritability and stress and helping you pay attention:
http://personalsustainability.com/ta...ration-theory/

If you're not ready to talk, you're not ready. When you are ready, you need to be persistent about finding the right therapist. When they do your intake (first meeting) let them know exactly what kind of therapy you want.