[weltratsel]

I'm not sure I have dysthymia, but I feel like I've been living with it since middle school because since then I've always been uncomfortable.

I think my mood is a result of my philosophy and my beliefs. I can't change what I find true. At the same time, I do have ambitions that my mood makes it difficult to achieve. I have some trouble with social anxiety that I put a lot of effort fighting. Everything I do seems like I have to put a lot of mental strength behind, and more often than not I sabotage myself with inaction, trepidation, or indecision.

I generally have a lot of trouble being self-serving. I don't really like myself, but I think my judgement is accurate and not a put-down. I do acknowledge positive things about myself, but I just don't like the things I can't change.

Life for me amounts to a struggle for consolation and maintenance. I just wish it was easier, but I expect to be trudging along until my body quits. I don't know what I'm asking or what help I want to find. I feel blank.

[tokiwartooth]

It sounds like it could be dysthymia, or mild depression. I can sympathize, although mine is severe. I started out with a mild depression when I was a young child, probably around 7. But when I started high school it got much worse. Have you talked to anyone about it? Like maybe a counselor or a therapist? It couldn't hurt. I think maybe talking to a school counselor (if you're still in school) and finding a therapist would benefit you. I started my first therapy in high school and it did help. And I was to the point of having created a plan for killing myself. So it does help. They may prescribe you an antidepressant or something, and can probly give you advice on how to feel better. Do you have a good support network, like friends and family? That can help also. If it weren't for my family and friends I don't know where I'd be. Have you lost interest in things that once gave you pleasure? I had to force myself to do those things, but I usually ended up feeling a little better if I did, like going to the movies or taking a walk or something. I'm probly not a good help, but I hope I helped a little.