[dexter]

had a good session with new t today. still will take a few more to start making progress i think but at least i like him so far.

but other than that everything has been pretty bad. new med has really messed up my sleep. doc wanted me to take in the morning worried it would keep me awake, but it seemed to make me sleepy and i started back sleeping during the day again... no good. so i started at night and although it makes me sleepy it is also keeping me awake. so past few days have been a nightmare, no sleep at night, sleeping late in the morning. i see the doc again in another week so i'm going to see if i can fix my sleeping schedule and if now ask him to switch me.

i've also had a bad headache which might be because of the med too.

at first i was very nauseas from it but i was expecting that, it ended it not to bad and i think i'm over the nausea. but i still haven't been eating well the past few days, have had to force myself to eat again.

worst is just that i still feel stuck in the same place, no hope for the future, been home from work for over 3 months now, seriously think i won't be able to go back to work and seriously afraid that i may not be able to work at all. i can't go on floating like this forever struggling to find any way to get past this, money has been growing tighter and tighter.

and today i got a certified letter the back is starting forclosure proceedings.

if i lose my home i have no family to help out or take me in and no place to go. i've worked so very hard for my independance for so many years, both emotionally and working hard at jobs, and if i can lose it all in a matter of a few months what am i going to do?

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[darkeyes]

Dexter,, I am so sorry you are going through a really rough time, I wish there was something I could say, some kind of words to comfort. . . you are in my thoughts and I am sending you many good wishes for strength

** hugs of hope **

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[krzyk101]

Dexter,

Sorry to hear your are having so much coming at you all at once. I am glad to hear you waw your new t. i hope that will help you through this. I do wish you the best with the doc, in hope they can find something for your depression that will help you maintain a more suitable sleep schedule.
I wish you the best during these difficult times.

Take Care,

KRIS


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[dexter]

thanks everyone. i keep fighting with this i just wish i could see some signs of hope coming through after all this time.

as you can see, can't sleep again tonight.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[SeptemberMorn]

Hey, Dex... I've been where you are. Try to relax and go with it while the meds take effect. I'm sure the sleep disturbances are a side effect, also.

Have you applied for State Disablility or SSI? If you haven't, maybe you should get it started. It took me three years to get approved but I have no idea why. Maybe they were just hoping that I'd give up. They put their hopes on the wrong person, let me tell you! LOL

When you feel the depression start to lift, try to find something to occupy your hands as well as your mind. It really helps.

Don't know what to tell you about the foreclosure though. That's a real tough one! I'll just keep sending positive thoughts your way on that one.


<font color=blue>"The winds of change continue rolling and they just carry me away."</font color=blue>

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{{Dexter}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry you are going through all of this...I truly am. SeptemberMorn has a great idea about SS....can you look into that?

I know how helpless you feel about the foreclosure....been there myself . The advice I can give you there though is to look at the positive side of it. I know how hard it is and it is hard to look at any positive. It is there though....what worked for me was to find a place that I could afford....as well as to look at it as a fresh new start.

Another option I have been thinking about since I first started reading your posts ....have you ever thought about working from home? You have unbelievable talent and I am sure that with your skills in creativity and writing....you could make a go of that too. I work from home for my employer...he is 2 hours away from me and I am very lucky. Is that something you thought of before? What about your employer? Would they be willing to have you work from home? Just a thought .


Heather

[dexter]

thanks everyone

i am collecting state (temporary) disability now and it is woefully inadequate. it has slowed down the process of going broke by a few months probably. i do have some other options, i have a small amount in a retirement account that could get me by for a few more months. i feel as if i am only delaying the inevitable.

i am going to look into applying to ssi although it looks as if the amount is about the same as i'm getting now. the temp disability runs out next month.

thank you for the complement on my skills. i've always wanted to try working on my own. in some ways i look at this as an opportunity to start but the depression won't let me make a commitment for anything. especially these last several days with the sleep all disrupted i can't even commit to be functional for part of the day. i haven't worked on my website for several days and before at least i was chugging along at that pretty well. the worst part is my lack of confidence in that regard. i can't sit down and think of any practical way to make some money from my skills. with the depression it is even harder to think that i could do something.

if i were able to be back at work i'd put more effort into expanding my skills and trying to start something on my own, working on it while i had a steady income from a job. now when i even try to consider any options i just get all wrapped up in anxiety and fear and the fact that there is a deadline on all of this now.

the absolute part of depression is the hopelessness. supercedes any practicality or motivation.

right now my ONLY goal is to try to make it to a support group tonight. i haven't eaten yet today and haven't been out of bed most of the day. really too tired to go but i'm am going to try to force myself to go.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[(JD)]

Gee dexter you are having a tough go of it! Hopefully your T has some resources to refer you to for the other problems... I don't know all your circumstances but... can you have your work put you on "temporary leave" status and thereby you have a foothold to hang onto your home. You can then deal with the bank .. they really don't wish to forclose , but they need assurances that things will be different in the future.

Well, you are sure things will be different, you just don't know in what direction. Rest assured, SILENCE to the bank will not get you what you want. Call them, often, reassure them you're working on it, that this and that... agree to call them and let them know..

You might need a pro-bono lawyer. I don't know where you are, but often with the FREE credit counseling services (mind you, there are may that are NOT free, but most religion based ones are free) you can get this. There may be a legal way to stopthe foreclosure at least for some months..?

Remember it means much to the bank that you are actively trying to solve your problems... good luck!

Please research anything I suggest before believing...