[shinkikker]

I can feel myself slipping again. Yesterday while scrolling through Tumblr, I saw a picture of a puppy in Pakistan whose mama had died and was rotting away and the puppy wouldn't leave her and just sat by her decaying corpse for days. It just made me think, why even go on when there is so much sadness, so much pain and heartache in the world? What's the ****ing point?

I've gotten to the point where it is clear that my depression and behaviors are damaging the people around me and bringing them down and it makes me hate myself. I know I am a huge burden. I feel like they are running out of reasons for me to stay.

I'm tired of fighting constantly. I'm exhausted all the time, and no one can help me. No one "gets it", even when they say they do, they just don't get it from my perspective. I feel empty, and I feel like things will not improve no matter how hard I try. They haven't really ever improved.

I have been searching for answers, for something to fill this hole in my heart that has always been there, and I know that I will never find anything.

[Leed]

Sweetie, if you're not in therapy, you need to get there. You need someone to talk to and to help you get rid of this awful depression. Therapy is the answer, believe me. I was in therapy for years, off and on. Plus I've been on an antidepressant for many years, as I've been depressed since I was a small child.

If you can't afford therapy, at LEAST talk to your doctor. He CAN help you by putting you on an antidepressant until you can get into therapy. Not all antidepressants have horrible side effects. And the side effects usually go away in a short time -- and not all of them are "horrible" either. I'm on Cymbalta, the maximum dosage, and I don't have any side effects at all. I know that many of us don't want to take medication but it's much better than sufferiing in the pits of hell, right?

Please at least see your doctor. I wish you the very best. God bless & please keep us posted on how you're doing, okay? Take care! Hugs, Lee

[Bmee2]

Leed is correct,Shinkikker.
Unfortunately, i feel as miserable as your post today. i do have a T however. Funny thing is the sad things make me sad and the happy things crush what little spirit i have.I am sorry i do not have any helpful advice. Writing here has helped me a little. Perhaps just a little more venting will help you too.