[hellocholey]

Hi everyone I am new here.

Lately, I have become increasingly depressed with life, no motivation, and just want to sleep all day. A lot of things have got me down and I just can't shake it.
When I was 17 years old, I was diagnosed with a life long illness and while it's not terminal, it's only going to get worse. I've had increasing problems with this including bad memory loss, weight gain, and apathy. My memory is so bad... I feel as though I can hardly remember anything. I have a hard time waking up in the morning. I need to take medication for the rest of my life. I am hardly even motivated to take care of our daughter, which makes me feel like a terrible mother, making my depression even worse.

Another that has me down is that we're living with my fiance's parents after he got laid off from his long term job. He refuses to get a job and I just can't handle this anymore! I am physically unable to get a job, so that's out of the question.

The MAIN thing is that my spouse hardly understands where I am coming from. He constantly asks me "What's wrong with you... are you all boo-hoo again today?" While I realize that I am sometimes hard to deal with, he has always been this way towards my emotions -- cold and uninterested. I wish just one time he wouldn't argue with me over why I am sad or tell me to get off of my butt and fix it myself.

I feel like I am surrounded by people who are willing to listen, but I'm not. I'm not comfortable divulging everything to any one I know. I'm too afraid they'll tell everyone. I'm always everyones shoulder to lean on, yet everyone thinks my life is going perfectly. I'm about to burst!!!!

It's gotten so bad that I can hardly keep from crying about ANYTHING that goes wrong. I'm so snappy and short tempered with everyone.

I just want some one to listen to me.

Sorry I didn't elaborate much... Thanks for reading.

hi and welcome.

i really hope you get the support you are looking for here

[hellocholey]

Thanks. I hope so too?

[Leed]

Hi and welcome. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

You're kind of an enigma. On one hand you say you don't want to tell anyone anything about yourself because you're afraid they'll tell someone, but on the other hand, you say you just want someone to listen. Which is it? LOL

I'm sure your family & friends are just as confused as I am. LOL

Why not sit your fiance' down and TELL him that you need for him to listen to you when you're feeling low -- when you're feeling depressed. You need to have a "sounding board." Someone to just understand how badly this depression can get! If he truly loves you, he certainly can't deprive you of that! And you SHOULD be able to trust that he won't say anything to anyone about anything that you tell him.

As far as the rest of his family, I don't believe you need to tell them anything. Hopefully, if you're fiance' is decent enough to listen, you'll feel better and you won't feel so "snappish" and short tempered with everyone.

Plus it wouldn't hurt to see a therapist. You need to be treated for depression. This isn't going to go away overnight. Depression is an illness and it has a way of staying with you one it has you in it's grips. So see about finding a good therapist. I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[hellocholey]

That did sound confusing, but what I meant was I want some one to listen to me, but not friends or family.

I shouldn't have even posted on here. It was a mistake, spur of the moment kind of thing when I just felt like typing everything out.

Sorry.

[hellocholey]

Originally Posted by Leed

Hi and welcome. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

You're kind of an enigma. On one hand you say you don't want to tell anyone anything about yourself because you're afraid they'll tell someone, but on the other hand, you say you just want someone to listen. Which is it? LOL

I'm sure your family & friends are just as confused as I am. LOL

Why not sit your fiance' down and TELL him that you need for him to listen to you when you're feeling low -- when you're feeling depressed. You need to have a "sounding board." Someone to just understand how badly this depression can get! If he truly loves you, he certainly can't deprive you of that! And you SHOULD be able to trust that he won't say anything to anyone about anything that you tell him.

As far as the rest of his family, I don't believe you need to tell them anything. Hopefully, if you're fiance' is decent enough to listen, you'll feel better and you won't feel so "snappish" and short tempered with everyone.

Plus it wouldn't hurt to see a therapist. You need to be treated for depression. This isn't going to go away overnight. Depression is an illness and it has a way of staying with you one it has you in it's grips. So see about finding a good therapist. I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

I meant I want some one to listen, but not friends or family. Every one thinks my life is just perfect and I have no problems because I never say anything about them. I'm always helping them.

And he's not decent enough to listen. Just 5 minutes ago he said he hates it when I act stupid and don't take responsibility for my emotions or what comes out of my mouth. I'm very forgetful so I ask a hundred questions and it registers in his mind as "stupid."

It really was a mistake registering on here. It was a spur of the moment thing. I thought since even my spouse wont listen, then internet people might.

I don't have money or insurance for a therapist. I know a lot of people say that as an excuse, but I totally would if we had an income.

[Ladyzero]

It's not a mistake to be here. I think if you keep posting, getting it out you will feel better. I find this place supportive and people very friendly.
Your fiancè doesn't sound very in tune with your problems. If you can't lean on him, who can you lean on. His dismissing you as stupid is cold and unsupportive. I even wonder if this relationship is helping your situation. Is it generally good ? Does he make you happy ? Any relationship is not better than a bad one. Should you two be together and contemplating marriage ?
Talking on here will help. Unload away.