[Sila]

I was recently faced with the hard truth that I've been facing depression for a lot longer than I initially thought... It just didn't strike me as 'depression' because I can distract myself and feel better temporarily to cover it up..

I read old journals I wrote years ago...and this has been going on for a few years at minimum now. I found poetry I wrote, explaining how I felt miserable, hopeless. etc.

I remember feeling like this in high school too though.

Lack of interest in things once enjoyed...Detaching from friends/loved ones...Little to no motivation to get up and do things, even simple tasks..Insomnia...No energy to really do anything, sometimes even get out of bed.
The only reasons to do so are food or take care of the dogs. My dogs' needs come before mine sometimes. fixating on past failures and blaming myself when things aren't going right...

I've never SI'd, but one day when I was feeling at an all time low I wrote a story about someone who used SI to 'escape' the misery. I haven't told my T that yet...didn't think it'd be worth it.

Just when I thought I managed to escape depression, the truth hits me right in the face. Ow. :/

(Ftr: I have medical causes ruled out already, after a full lab done by my PCP..so there's no real doubt that I'm facing depression after all.)

I guess this is just yet another thing to bring up to my T after all. As if I don't have enough on my plate already.

so sorry you are feeling so bad sila.

hugs

[Leed]

I'm so sorry you're feeling depressed. Believe me I know all about it. But it's GREAT that you have a therapist already. He can help you get to the root cause of this depression and help you deal with the issues that are causing it.

Sometimes those issues are so deep-seeded, we don't even realize they're there! Sometimes we've pushed them so far back into our "closet" that it's difficult to bring them to the front, and it may take awhile to find them. But you will, in time. I've been thru therapy too, and I was amazed at some of the things I had stuffed! Therapy was a life-saver for me.

Best of luck Sila, and don't worry. Soon, your depression will ease once you find out the cause and your therapist helps you cope with the issues. You'll begin feeling better in no time. God bless and please take care! Hugs, Lee

[Sila]

Thanks.I know it'll be fine in the end. It just sucks to see how much it's been ruling my life and changing me little by little. And all this time I thought I escaped it.

I have my T initially because I went in for my anxiety. But we're bringing to surface all my PTSD issues too, and with that is coming the depression as well. The pot has been stirred, so to speak, and I'm left trying to make it settle again in between sessions. I have another week until I see her again. I need a hug from her :c and I'm glad I can talk things out with her too. It's a relief to finally have someone like that.

[missbelle]

It was good you looked back at the stuff. Sometimes we think depression is the norm. I always thought others felt the same way or did they? It was my normal to be depressed so I never understood the feeling of calm and happiness until I was on meds.I went to high school, college, got married but would have done it a lot differently had I been dx with depression. It didn't take away my life. I still accomplished things but it was much harder and more painful.

Originally Posted by Sila

Thanks.I know it'll be fine in the end. It just sucks to see how much it's been ruling my life and changing me little by little. And all this time I thought I escaped it.

I have my T initially because I went in for my anxiety. But we're bringing to surface all my PTSD issues too, and with that is coming the depression as well. The pot has been stirred, so to speak, and I'm left trying to make it settle again in between sessions. I have another week until I see her again. I need a hug from her :c and I'm glad I can talk things out with her too. It's a relief to finally have someone like that.

that's the way to look at it.

of course it will