[njbjpdjadm221]

I think I've been in denial for a long time about my depression. I've been feeling this way for probably about 2 years and I did know there was something wrong with me and I probably was depressed again, I guess I just didn't want to admit it to myself or anyone else. I think I was just hoping that there wasn't anything wrong with me and I wasn't depressed. I thought I got rid of my depression and I never wanted to feel this way again. I don't want to be depressed. Still, I've been keeping this a secret because I feel so embarrassed which I know is preventing me from getting better.

About three weeks ago, I did end up telling someone a little bit about it. That was literally the first time in my life I ever told someone that I felt sad. I didn't approach her about this, she asked me a question about it and I was honest with her. I guess I felt like I could trust her possibly but now I wish I wasn't so honest. She definitely helped me realize that I am depressed, but lately I've been feeling so much worse than before I said anything. I'm crying nearly every day now, at least once a day. I guess it is better that I recognize my depression than keep trying to deny it, but I wish I had lied to her and said everything was fine, because it's so hard sometimes. I hate how I feel right now. She told me that she would be there for me if I needed her, but I feel embarrassed and anxious when I think about speaking to her again. I already humiliated myself once because I started crying in front of her.

Has anyone ever felt denial about being depressed?

[pegasus]

Hello njbjpdjadm221, it really is ok to ask for support when you need it. I hope you find the forums here helpful too. You are not alone.

[onionknight]

I understand where you're coming from. I spend a lot of time denying the severity or pervasiveness of my depression. And I long subscribed to the belief that I would feel better the next day.

It's okay to feel sad about being depressed. It is a painful, frustrating and sometimes humiliating condition. If you don't take steps to take care of yourself, you won't feel better, though. Please, surround yourself with supportive, caring people and do what you need to get well

[Leed]

Hi ~ What is so TERRIBLE about being depressed? We aren't lepers. It isn't catchy. It isn't some terrible secret that we need to keep hidden in the closet.

Depression is an illness that affects MILLIONS of people. And it also affects every part of your life. It affects your family, your job, your friends - everything. And it's something that you cannot ignore.

You need treatment, my friend. A good therapist will help you deal with the issues that are causing this illness. By getting to the CORE of this illness, you can learn how to cope with the issues you have so that they don't have the POWER that they do now. If you take that power away, they can't cause the depression like they're doing now.

So please get a referral to a good therapist -- you won't regret it. I wish you the very best. Please keep us posted on your progress. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[awebb198488]

I can definitely relate to feeling embarrassed/ashamed about my depression. I finally broke down one night and told a dear friend and mentor some of the feelings I was experiencing. She is dealing with depression herself and is great to talk to about it. She just bluntly told me, "you are depressed and need to be on medicine for it". I appreciated her honesty and came to find out she had suspected the same thing about me long before I admitted it to myself.

The funny part about the whole thing is that I know logically there is no reason to be embarrassed. Depression is a medical condition and basically impacts every area of my life. I am not nearly as embarrassed as I used to be talking about it to people I trust. I know it is difficult to take the first step to getting help but I know that that is the only way you will start to feel better. Please make an appointment with your doctor and talk about your symptoms. It is worth it.

[tigerlily84]

I can also relate to being in denial. I spent years under the delusion that it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. Talking to someone about it is the first step, and it is terrifying. I'm glad that you felt that you could trust your friend and that she is supportive. Keep talking to her. And as the other posters have suggested, please seek a therapist. Maybe your friend can help you with that. I wish you the best of luck, and keep us updated. Take care of yourself!