[helpmelive93]

i am depressed, and i wish i could make myself happy, nothing ever seems to get better, every time im happy something happens to make everything worse... sometimes i think im not supposed to be happy, can anyone just talk to me???

[Touch of gray]

Hi helpme,

I'm kind of surprised no one else has replied to your post yet. Yes, this is a very good place to vent, get support and feedback, ask questions, etc. Most everyone here is also suffering to some degree, and sometimes it just helps to know that you really aren't alone in all of this.

One thing I hate about depression is that no one ever talks to you about it - even the few people you are somewhat close to and have told that you're being treated. Even at the therapist you have to put on a happy face and pretend you've made some kind of progress since the last session (or just sit there and feel like a whiney jerk the whole time). In the last 13 months the longest continuous period of time that I've felt "normal" was 10 days. During that time, I was hoping for "happy" but I could still feel the depression nibbling around the edges.
I haven't completely given up on happy, but you're right - I can't seem to do anything to make it happen for me. Sometimes I try to remember a time when I was happy & I try to remember how it felt - it seems so far away.
Please keep posting here and check out all of the information available here - it does help. Sometimes this is the only thing I have that really makes me feel connected.

[Bmee2]

Did you guys know, Touch of gray and Helpmelive93, happiness is not exactly a continuous state of being. Happy is kind of recognizing the beauty of the day, the beauty of the moment (s) and recognizing the blessings you actually have. Depression unfortunately clouds one's view of the world. Thus those of us suffering from depression have to learn ways to cope when all seems dark and hopeless. Exhaustion often accompanies depression so it is important to acknowledge one's limitations. So if it is difficult to get out of bed, dressed and showered...the day you are able to do any of the above is something to celebrate and pat yourself on the back. We are depressed now at this moment but six minutes from now i plan to look at some pictures of dogs and cats. i do not have a pet but looking at pictures of them makes me smile. Then as another distraction before bed i play a mindless game of hidden pictures. Writing here and trying to talk and not hide from my therapist also helps.
Best of luck to you both...hope you both can forgive the long reply.