[Sam2]

I wondered if anyone else had a similar experience.

In the fifth grade, I went from a happy, outgoing kid to one that started to retreat into themselves. By my freshman year in highschool, I had no real friends, was teased all the time and considered weird. My grades were slipping, I fixed my schedule so that all my study halls were in the afternoon and I could just leave and walk around for hours. I never made trouble in class, just sat there quietly, usually staring out the window. During my junior year, I was so depressed that I lost twenty pounds in a little over two months. Both my junior high and high schools were relatively small, with teachers who knew all their students. The area was suburban, low crime and the schools considered very good.

Through my four years in highschool, I dropped out of any activities I had been in, (usually because my parents had me sign up for them), and my general appearance deteriorated. After high school came all the suicide attempts etc.

A few years ago I went back to my old highschool and looked up the counsellor I'd had for the four years I was there. During out conversation, I let out some of the problems that had occured after highschool. It blew my mind when the counsellor told me that all the teachers had noticed that there was something very wrong and would discuss my deterioration every now and then. No one had ever asked me if anything was wrong for those four years. Not once. The school had a crisis center with a psychologist on staff and students had to see their counsellor a couple times a year to go over scheduling. No one ever said anything to me or my parents despite what they were observing and discussing. By the time I started highschool, i couldn't ask for help. I didn't really know how and was so turned inward that i don't know how aware I was of who to go to. There is no way to know what would have happened if someone had approached me, but all I could think of talking to my old counsellor was that if someone had, I might have gotten help and avoided all the pain later and now.

I know we all have to take responsibility for our own actions, but I feel as though I was betrayed by adults who should have stepped up and just looked the other way instead. Its not like there were so many kids that the teachers had no time or resources. They were often in the halls between classes chatting with students. At that time our school didn't have a problem with weapons and the biggest drug problem was a few kids who smoked pot. They had the time, awareness of the problem and resources to deal with depressed kids and yet did nothing.

Is this something that is common? Are there others out there that weren't able to ask for help and were just shuttled through grades like sheep? Had I not gone back to the school, I never would have known that anyone noticed. Now teachers are often overloaded, dealing with weapons, drugs, serious fights and don't know half the kids in their classes. Under todays conditions, I could understand it better, but that wasn't the case three decades ago. It makes me wonder how many other kids are going to wind up with a lifetime of hell that could have been stopped. At the end of my talk with my counsellor, she asked if I would be willing to come in and talk to any kids in that situation. I said I would. I never heard back and live in a different state now.

Sam2

[Leed]

I was depressed all thru high school, and that was many years ago. There were LOADS of kids back then, so I don't know if they would have had time to notice or not. Our city wasn't that big (12,000) but the high school had a whole lot of kids for the size of the city (about 1,200 or so) so the counselors/teachers didn't know every kid in school!! And since it was in the 60's and our city was a melting pot, it was during the Detroit Riots (I live in Michigan) and we had our own riots even in school - we lived about 80 miles from Detroit. So it got a bit dangerous for a couple of years!! The teachers didn't have time to talk to any kids.

So I didn't get any counseling -- or even think about it since they had too many other things on their minds. I would have liked to -- but didn't get counseling until I was in my 20's and finally saw a therapist.

[Sam2]

Originally Posted by Leed

I was depressed all thru high school, and that was many years ago. There were LOADS of kids back then, so I don't know if they would have had time to notice or not. Our city wasn't that big (12,000) but the high school had a whole lot of kids for the size of the city (about 1,200 or so) so the counselors/teachers didn't know every kid in school!! And since it was in the 60's and our city was a melting pot, it was during the Detroit Riots (I live in Michigan) and we had our own riots even in school - we lived about 80 miles from Detroit. So it got a bit dangerous for a couple of years!! The teachers didn't have time to talk to any kids.

So I didn't get any counseling -- or even think about it since they had too many other things on their minds. I would have liked to -- but didn't get counseling until I was in my 20's and finally saw a therapist.

I think i would have had an easier time accepting what my counselor told me had our school been like yours. When there is so much violence, the teachers have their hands full just trying to keep their classrooms under control. I was in high school in the late 70's. The pendulum has swung back to the kind of school you describe. At least around here. Too many kids, all become faceless and invisible. You shouldn't have to be afraid of going to school. In a situation like that, if you were quiet and not acting out, no one probably knew about your pain. It sounds like the only kids that flew above the radar were the ones causing trouble. I'm sorry you had to get your education in an atmosphere of fear and violence.

Sam2

[shortandcute]

I think my depression started around the 4th grade, and got progressively worse. There were some adults that tried to help in some way but I didn't really get the help I needed--my mom didn't give a s**t, which was a big part of what contributed to my depresssion. I did move in with my sister at 16 (my stepfather tried to have sex with me and mom decided she wanted her husband more that she wanted me). I didn't really get the help I needed there either. They just figured if they forced me to read the Bible, allowed me all the pot I wanted, and never had any friends or left the house except for school or when I was them, then I would be miracuolusly be "healed." When I was 18, they decided that they didn't want me in the house anymore; but instead of just telling me I needed to move out, they made up this big story of how God "told them" that I had to marry my abusive boyfreind (with whom I was trying to break up). I was so stupid at the time, I believed them. Of course, that just made things worse--I was beaten up all the time, and forced to live out in the streets, because he did not want to live anywhere that charged rent. When I talked to my sister about leaving my husband, she kept telling me that God hated divorce and that I had to stay with him because "women needed protection"! Needless to say, that totally f****ed me up. What really gets me is that my sister now denies any of that and keeps insisting she tried to "rescue me" from him. (I think she may have DID.)

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Sam2

I think i would have had an easier time accepting what my counselor told me had our school been like yours. When there is so much violence, the teachers have their hands full just trying to keep their classrooms under control. I was in high school in the late 70's. The pendulum has swung back to the kind of school you describe. At least around here. Too many kids, all become faceless and invisible. You shouldn't have to be afraid of going to school. In a situation like that, if you were quiet and not acting out, no one probably knew about your pain. It sounds like the only kids that flew above the radar were the ones causing trouble. I'm sorry you had to get your education in an atmosphere of fear and violence.

Sam2

The high school I went to my first 2 years was pretty bad. I was always getting jumped and beat up;etween that and being abused by my first husband, my back is pretty screwed up right now! I had a pretty bad reputation at the time, so there were some bous who felt free to rape me. A lot of the school employees looked the other way because they didnt want to be bothered. Altho, as I said, there were some that did what they could to help me.

[Sam2]

Thanks to all that answered. I guess it is more common than I would have thought that kids in pain are often overlooked. I don't think its heavy metal music or bad tv or video games that are the cause of kids problems. In this day and age, it seems that kids are either ignored or every bit of their free time is scheduled by adults. Maybe I shouldn't be surpised at how many crimes are committed by kids or the suicide and SI in kids. It doesn't say a lot for our society at present. I woudn't want to live in any other country, but we have a long way to go if we hope to salvage out kids.

Sam2