[Atuin]

I've not been diagnosed with a mood disorder, only an autism spectrum disorder, but I show symptoms of a mood disorder, and am going to therapy, and my primary care doctor has been wondering about trying me on an anti-depressant.

When I was 19 I dealt with both death of my grandparents and emotional abuse.

Immediately at that point I started showing depressive symptoms, though at first grief as well of course. I've never shown enough for a major depressive disorder diagnosis from my own research, but I've not been diagnosed with anything.

I'm 23 now, having difficulty figuring out anything to do that I used to enjoy, a lot of difficulty with hopelessness, fits of crying in guilt and despair, and just generally having a mood that doesn't fit how I used to be. Everything that I've researched has pretty strongly suggested that I fit dysthymia symptoms.

However, it specifically was in response to that trigger. Does that make sense for a depression-type mood disorder?

I need to talk to my therapist, and my doctor about it more (my therapist knows individual symptoms, but not that I'm thinking this diagnosis might describe me, my doctor knows that the general depressed mood), but I'm having difficulty with it, because communication in person instead of online and in text is difficult for me.

So, does this make sense? Or should I look more elsewhere even more so. I need to talk to doctors either way.

[Leed]

Hi ~ You certainly sound like you're severely depressed to me. Having fits of crying and despair, etc., are sure signs of severe depression.

I've been clinically depressed all my life -- well at least since I was 4 of 5 years old. I didn't get treatment until I was about your age cause my parents were too busy getting drunk.

If I were you, I'd talk to my therapist about this and describe everything that's been happening -- what triggers it, all your feelings, etc. You HAVE to be very open and honest with your therapist about everything, or else your therapy isn't going to work. I told my therapy everything -- right down to the nitty gritty. I had to or else I wasn't going to get well. I've been in therapy most of my adult life, off and on. I'm "off" now -- I guess I graduated. LOL

Best of luck Atuin, and let us know how things go, okay? God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Atuin]

I try to talk to her about it all, but its difficult, my autism difficulties keep getting in the way But I do try to talk to her about it. Being open about it to people other than my boyfriend instead of hiding it is the first thing I'm really working on it without her help, because between the difficulty in communication on top of the difficulty trusting people because it all started after emotional abuse, its hard.

I wish there was a way to have therapy that was typing based instead of speaking based. I can't afford another therapist though. I just communicate everything about this so much better when typing and can process it better. I need to see if my therapist can have me email her in between sessions; if I email her when I'm at my worst points depression-wise then I can get across what those points are like. I can't do that speaking in her office.

And yeah, I feel like these are definitely depression symptoms. I just am sure don't have the 5 required for a Major Depression Disorder diagnosis in either the DSM-IV or DSM-5. I have varied between 2 and 4 of them for the past 4.5 years. Dysthymia requires longer time frame of depressed mood, but fewer symptoms than major depression, so its the one I'm thinking fits me.

[Sila]

You can always do what I've done before, and type up a bulleted list of things you want to talk about but can't figure out how to speak about it. You can also bring tablet or pen and paper to write it while you're in session. I've had to do that a few times. I can't talk about some things but I can write about it.