[edwnc]

Well, i'm sure this has all been said about a million times already, but here goes...again.

To be honest, the way i see my life right now, I have absolutely no reason to live. I'm not going to go kill myself, but if someone were to point a gun at my head and threaten to shoot, i'd probably egg them on. I have never had friends, a decent family, or anything even closely resembling a relationship. No talents or anything that makes me special or unique in any way. The only reason I get up in the morning is because I have a job and feel responsible for keeping it.

I can't really have fun anywhere. At the risk of sounding self-centered, I will say that I have never really had a high point as of yet. Im still just a kid, but I feel like i might as well be 80. I don't see myself as having any sort of future. I've spent my whole life putting others before myself, making sure others are happy and content, but I don't know how to do that for myself.

there's a lot more but i'd rather bore you with that some other time. long story short, i feel ugly as hell on the inside and out, I have nothing going for me. I feel empty and worthless, and I can't think of one good reason why I should continue with my life. And NO i'm not suicidal, just feeling depressed

[(JD)]

Yes, it's been said, and you can read it many times right here in this forum. I'm sorry you are feeling this way Welcome to PC, I hope you will like us.

First, if you remember nothing else right now, realize that depression tells you lies. It lies to me, it lies to everyone. So whenever you have a thought, remember to think that it could be depression telling you a lie.

I hope you can come back and tell us more, as you like.. are you in therapy? do you take meds? etc

TC!

[edwnc]

No, never been to a therapist or taken any medications. I know I should, but i'm afraid to reach out for help. On top of that, I don't know how I would find a therapist in my area.

[edwnc]

Well, i thought i'd post here instead of starting another thread.

I think another thing that gets me so down is seeing the kinds of lives people around me are living, and realizing that compared to them, I am socially inept and have a LOT of catching up to do. I have no idea how to meet new people, opening up or being able to let my guard down. The only reason I can converese so freely over the internet is because of the anonimity; no one here knows who I am, and it's very unlikely that I will ever be able to meet anyone from here.

You know, up until a few days ago, I for the life of me could not comprehend why some people would willingly cut themselves....but now I think I know why, especially since i've already done so a few times. After, I feel stupid for allowing myself to have been so weak. But the strange thing is, as low as I can feel sometimes, there are times when I feel, for lack of a better word, invincible. There are times when I feel great, like there's nothing out there that could possibly stop me. And on top of that, I have this constant feeling of some sort of pressure. I've never been one to express my anger, i always repress it, but there are times when I feel like I could blow at any minute and fly into a blind rage. Could I be bipolar???

[drunksunflower]

come and talk to me in chat if u like ..