[two sons]

How can a person be 50 years old, have 2 grown sons, be married (26 years), have a grandbaby on the way, have stable employment, be on multiple psych meds, and.......totally give up hope?

This is nothing new. I've been in this state of depression and hopelessness for years, and I've basically been living until my youngest son graduates from high school. Well, he graduates in May, and I just feel like it's all over.

I've talked about this with tdoc, and he suggested that as soon as my son graduates, I need to go inpatient. I won't let that happen.

Tdoc also pointed out that we have different goals: his is life and mine is death, and he threatened to stop seeing me. I know this sounds crazy to most people, but I really do not understand how to change my goal.

Sorry to dump on you here.

[allimsaying]

If I could reach through the screen and give you hope I would. Sometimes it relieves some of the pressure to reach out and blow off some steam. Is it that you dont want to change your goal? Or that you dont know how? I imagine the T would help you with steps to live if that was your goal.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by two sons

How can a person be [in a good state] and.......totally give up hope?

Depression does that.

Just curious: what kind of inpatient program has your therapist suggested? (Feel free to ignore the question.)

Go ahead. Dump all you want.

[adam_k]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I've been there a lot and I've managed to pull myself out of it by trying to find meaning and importance in my life. I pushed myself to get through college and I found a career that satisfies me. When I get depressed, I still get all the hopeless feelings and feel like I am worthless and everything I do is completely pointless. I just tell myself that it is the depression that makes me feel that way and it would be a great tragedy if I were to act on these feelings. I come to realize that I don't want to die when I depressed, I just don't want to feel that overwhelming sensation of despair and hopelessness. I think your T might be right about going inpatient. If you feel like there is nothing more to live for after your son graduates then you should do something to protect yourself from harm. Have you thought about getting a new T? It sounds like things are shaky between you two and maybe he has given up. I think if you hurt yourself it will end your pain, but it will be devastating to your family. Your son is an adult soon, but he still needs a mother. I lost my father when I was 18 and my mother wasn't in my life all that much. I made a lot of mistakes that could been avoided if I had someone to talk to, but I felt alone. Having depression and on top of that grieving the loss of a father was almost too much. If my father tried to killed himself instead of having a heart attack, I don't think I could have emotionally dealt with that. If you can't live for yourself at least least hang on for them and try and get help and keep yourself safe.

[Leed]

Hi two sons ~ Feeling hopeless isn't good. We've got to get you out of there.

This may sound impossible, but it's not -- you've got to get out of yourself and into others. You can start by trying to help others here on the forums. When we get out of ourselves, hopelessness fades and eventually disappears. You can't feel hopeless when you're helping others. By helping others, it gives meaning to your life! Plus, you're giving hope to someone else!

Then perhaps in time you can volunteer somewhere, perhaps at a senior center, or at a juvenile center, or anywhere they take volunteers -- the hospital maybe. You have no idea the sense of gratification it gives you when you give of yourself to someone else! It gives your life a whole new meaning! You look forward to getting up in the morning, you look forward to seeing people. It's just grand to be alive! Please believe me -- it's TRUE.

But start slowly. Try it here. You will get feedback in time, and helping others is the greatest thing we can do (without expectation of any thanks). God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee