Need to practice saying im not a failure

A month ago, my teacher stopped to talk to me during class.
She told me I was here doing the work physically, but stopped being here mentally.
That's how I feel in school now, I'm feeling complete apathy for the people in school and the school work. I'm content to just get by to get over high school already.
I spoke to some therapists (fyi I am depressed) and I'm trying to be happy and do things that make me feel happy, (and it seems to work) but I have another hurdle to jump.

I always kind of feel as if I'm a failure and I'm not doing the best I can.
Its hard for me now, because my dad is pressuring me to end with a bang and get all a's for college or whatever, but I'm doing just the opposite and I don't want to hear his mouth -_-

I applied to cooper union and I did the best I could, but I feel as if I'm not going to be accepted because some rich white kid was slightly better than me. I feel as if the admi sions people are going to find some excuse to deny me, even though I have evrything in my favor.

Putting all the rest of the story aside, I just feel empty again. And its the worst its ever been. I love to draw and I have things I love to do, but I can't really enjoy them without being overly obsesed with them.
I'm getting way behind on schoolwork and I don't care `^´

I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just would like to get this off my chest and would like to ask PC'ers about any suggestions or excersies to help me reverse this mentality.
I blame my father, b/c I know I have talent but I feel as if I'm not god enough fr him or anyone, including myself.

Thank you for reading.

I'm sorry you are feeling so down on yourself right now. Your wrote " I know I have talent but I feel as if I'm not god enough fr him or anyone, including myself."

Try to remember that feelings often are not based on facts... concentrate on what you "know" and realize that feelings will pass...

Also another thing that helps with depression is just making your self do the things you have to do... sometimes action spurs different feelings...

very critical and be prepared to perhaps continue this at times throughout life. Believe me, I can relate, but it really, really can be helpful! Hang in there!

It's been a few years since I was applying to colleges, but from what I remember, Cooper Union is a VERY, VERY good school. And personally, in my mind, to even be able to apply there is a HUGE accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself.

I also agree with what others have said. Remember what you KNOW to be true, and try to ignore what others are making you feel. Take pride in your accomplishments and reward yourself for them (easier said than done, I know. This is something I'm working on in T right now).

I'd also suggest trying to get some exercise if you can. Maybe something unusual just to get you moving.

Thank you all.
maybe I will try to excersise more, I haven't been doing so lately.
you guys are right, I ll try to push feelings away (negative at least).
my t today told me I often project negative thoughts more than positive, and I should try to at least see the reŝlts before I come to a conclusion.
thank god I'm reaching out for help, I usually have no one to talk to.

I hope everyone has a good day, nd I'm open to more suggestions.

I think humans more easily find the negative than the positive - we actually have to work at seeing the good things because we automatically notice and remember the bad stuff. I have this little game I play... when I see someone acting in a way that I might interpret negatively - say a grumpy salesperson or someone who cuts me off in traffic - I try to think of three believeable scenarios that make sense of how they behave. I find, even if I don't really believe what I imagine, that it stops me reacting with anger or taking things personally, and helps me to understand why other people do what they do.

I went through the same thing in high school. I wish a teacher had pulled me aside to let me know what was going on because I didn't know myself. Maybe my teachers were too young to understand.

First off you need to ignore the pressure. Yeah your dad wants you to become king of the world and everything and that's normal but it's hard to get real work done if you feel like someone is breathing down your neck. You worry more about your ability to create something rather than just living in the moment and creating it. You just can't work that way. Be happy that your dad is behind you but don't feel pressured to overextend yourself. You got this far doing something right so don't feel like you need to kick it into overdrive just to make it. That's how you burnout. And yeah you can burnout in high school.

The other thing you need to do is be good enough for yourself. Again your dad wants what's best for you but it is far more important that you believe in yourself and be a winner for yourself because you know you can do it rather than doing it because someone wants you to do it. Likely the only reason you doubt yourself is because you feel that your dad doubted you and you believed in that doubt. Well it's time to get over that. You have to learn to believe in yourself. Look I'm 23 and I still have problems with that at times but it's important that you think as an artist. You are creating a masterpiece with your life because you want to. You know that your best work comes out when you concentrate on the work itself rather than how it will turn out in the end. Life is a lot like that. If you worry about not making it then that negative energy is going to weigh you down. But if you concentrate on making something amazing and not caring about who likes it, you will begin to do your best and it will become natural again. I'm guessing you've lost that feeling recently as well.

Apply that thought process to college applications as well. Do what you can and hold your head up. You went out and made a masterpiece. Whether they accept that or not is not up to you to worry about. Don't worry about things you can't control. Do your best or do what you believe is right. That's all that matters. With that in mind, don't think I'm telling you to go on cruise control either. That's just another way to get back into this situation again.

I wouldn't be too hard on your dad - at first. I think a great thing to do is to let your dad know that you understand that he wants the best for you and to let him know that he's putting a little too much pressure on you. Let him know that you can get the job done.

For me it was a loss of inspiration to do anything. I didn't care about any of the things I liked to do and so my ability to do them well dropped significantly. The social issues I had made me feel as if life itself was a chore and I wasn't interested in any of the things it had to offer. Perhaps the pressure from your dad is causing you to feel this way. If you can become your own person again and do well because you want to, because you believe in it, and because you know you can, I think things will get better for you.

Good luck.

Thank you all so much.
I'm not going to bump this thread anymore, so I'm definiatly going to apply those tactics mentioned.
I felt better when said I should focus on doing things and that I should just try to be a winner than be myself.
Somone mentioned somethi along the lines of the brightside.
I have always tried to do that, but sometimes honestly I don't even think doing that is worth the effort. Easier to flip off the bad driver lol.
Ty ty so much made my day even better.

No that's definitely not what I meant. Focussing on what you're doing is great but I never said you weren't a winner. I am only suggesting that you do your best because you want to. That will bring down the pressure a lot.

I read somewhere that most humans are hardwired to focus on negatives, not positive, but that we can retrain ourselves, building new neural pathways and adopting new behavior habits. I know it's true, even with occasional relapses. Hang in there and just work on it! If you have a bad time of it now and again, just get back up on that horse and ride, even though it's hard. It's pure worth it. Actually hard work, tho. Someone also told me once it's easier to be regularly miserable. What an existence, although I think this may be true!