[TrueBlue]

How can you tell the difference? My battle has gone on since the first day I can recall as a child, seeing several doctors, trying so many drugs/dosages, 3 different counseling professionals including once with hypnotherapy, and still no relief, no improvement, no upswing in any facet of my personality. 6 decades of regrets of nearly every major decision including finances, employment, & relationships, but somehow avoided the non-prescription drugs/alcohol/crime/rage/smoking temptations, but zero hobbies (tried many different types), no friends or dependable family members, and now (even longer almost unbelievable story) no job (I did NOTHING wrong, but Human Resources maintains my immediate supervisor's decision is etched in stone)... But if I'm mentally ill, how is that tested/verified? Sick of pills, answering pointless questions, and waiting for the next disaster, which historically is not far away. Just keep existing, and praying, and wishing for a miracle that may not come until I die of old age? I'd rather LIVE, no exist... Any suggestions?

[startingoveragain]

True blue I can totally understand your angst, I know what it feels like to have been given a really bad deal in this 'game' of life and it sounds like some really unfair things have happened lately to you that would make me want to rage against the pain also.
I guess my biggest suggestion would be not to judge yourself as 'weak' , we are all different and unique and have strengths and weaknesses, try to look at some of the positives you have in you, because i'm sure they are there....even if it doesn't feel like it at times!
my other suggestion would be volunteer somewhere to help others, it will take your mind of yourself and help improve your self esteem. Exercise is another thing that helps me, that said i've been in bed for the last three days so I totally understand it's not easy At ALL.
Anyway, I wish you all the best and take it easy on yourself, you are precious and deserving of peace
Take care

[MudCrab]

I have no explanation, TrueBlue. If you are now receiving treatment, I suggest you print your post for the treatment team. What they are doing is not working. If you are not in treatment, maybe you might consider trying one more time.

I shall join you in your prayers.