Absolutely TIRED of my parents comparing me to others.

I believe this is one of the reasons why I have such low self esteem. I can't tell them though because when I did they told me to stop blaming them for my problems.

Just now I was talking to my parents about my day at college. It was going well at first. Then my mom starts talking about how I sleep too much when I get home. My first class starts at 8:30 in the morning and I'm not a morning person at all. So when I get home I sleep for awhile, but I have good grades and I manage to get everything done when I do wake up. They know that too. Then they say since I'm taking Japanese I should try to be like them. I have a friend who's Japanese and they say "I bet she studies hard. You should too." The truth is that she actually likes to party a lot and barely even pays any attention to her homework. What really gets me mad is that I ended up with a GPA of 3.5 last semester which is a huge improvement from how I did in high school and they still talk to me as if I'm getting bad grades.. I can't even talk to my parents without having them compare me to someone or talk about college. It doesn't matter how hard I try to change the subject. That's all they want to talk about and it stresses me out.

Hi Namine,

Good for you for the 3.5 GPA, that's quite an achievement. I'm a university instructor and can assure you that's impressive.

My Mom used to compare my brother and I to others all the time when I was young, so much so that this tends to be a major thought pattern I turn to when I'm especially depressed.

Is there any way you can address this with your parents? Maybe if they heard it from you they'd be sympathetic? I know that can be difficult, and I've never been able to say this to my own Mom.

RJ

I think parents sometimes think they're motivating you when in reality it's doing the opposite. Many times parents are trying to live vicariously through their kids. It's not right, but I think it stems from them wanting you to do better than they have.

Try not to be categorized by them. You are you and that's enough.

My mother still compares me to other kids and I'm gonna be 61 in a couple of weeks. That's why I'm writing to psyschocentral! It sounds like you're doing fine. Tell them not to be so old-fashioned! It is important to keep up with the changing times, now more than ever.

The problem is that they think they're actually helping you by comparing you to other people! They have got it in them that the reason why you're doing better is because of them and how they treat you.

My parents used to compare me to my older sister who was a genius. She got a 4.0 all thru school, which totally TICKED ME OFF! Not everyone is a genius. Not everyone can get a 4.0 all thru school. My parents should have realized that, but unfortunately they didn't. They just thought I didn't study enough, or I wasn't trying hard enough.

The truth was I just had a hard time in school. Math and I did NOT get along. I couldn't understand Algebra, and when my Dad tried to help me with it, he got upset and angry, because He understood it so well and it was SO easy for him, he couldn't understand why I couldn't get it. It was the same when my sister tried to help me. She'd get short with me too, and just give up. I asked my teacher to help me, and he said "If you didn't get it the first time, that's too bad." How's that for a teacher!

Sit your Mom down and TELL her you NEED to talk. Then nicely ask her not to compare you with others. Tell her that you're different than anyone else, and that you ARE trying very hard -- that a 3.5 average is EXCELLENT and she should be proud!!! Very few people can get as good a grade as you are getting! But just ask her to stop comparing you to anyone. You are YOU. And you're a GREAT you!!! God bless honey and best of luck. Let us know how things go, will you? Hugs, Lee

Sheesh, a 3.5 is deans list material! They need to CHILL OUT.

Tell them to back off and remind them that one can compete or not compete. Both lifestyles have advantages.

Maybe they will relax their demands a little and you can get some rest.

Take care.

Thank you for the answers. I feel better now that I've read them. I really want to tell my parents how I'm feeling, but every time I try to they always tell me to stop blaming them when I'm not! I'm just telling them how I feel. -_-

I hope this doesn't sound too mean, but I feel like my parents are the most boring parents ever. Even when my friends come over they mention my grades sometimes. Like once when I was grounded because of my grades (in high school) and couldn't leave the house, my friend came to vist me. My dad was around when she asked me why I was grounded and he just starts going on about my horrible grades. Then he's like "Maybe you can teach (insert my name here) how to study harder." It made me mad because he didn't even know whether or not my friend had good study habits!! Ugh. lol It's just stressful.

A lot of people are motivated by people making fun of them and teasing them in their younger years and the feelings behind that don't go away. Just look at rap music. All they talk about is "haters..." Then people with that mentality have kids... I see it every day even to kids as young as 5 or 6.

Parents sometimes push their kids this way to try and make them push harder but it's simply irritating to people that can see through the BS.

Hi Namine,

Thanks for the update. I have a couple strategies that may open the communication with your parents a bit more. You could write down how you've been feeling, so they have some time to process this outside of the moment. Or you could try talking with them again by using only first person statements "I feel..." If you do this, even in your letter, make sure to stick to feelings!

Good luck,

d.

I'm sure your parents love you and meen well. Sometimes (as in my life) parents and their kids are on different planets. Just an idea that came to me, have you thought of letting your parents see your post? May be reading would work better than talking? Just a thought. Take care.