[elizabeth2]

clinical depression, disability benefits, unemployment, loser, failure, right now I'm winging it. I receive the weekly Newsletters (on my mobile phone) and decided to at least try to reach out and seek some advice from people who understand mental and emotional issues.
I hope this email gets to the appropriate person. I'll be brief just in case it isn't received. The following is just the tip of the iceberg as far as my issues and battles with depression go. I'm 34 yrs old & for at least half of my life I've experienced depression on & off. But the last 8-10 years have been awful to the point I have truly wanted to die on many occasions. I have Clinical Depression along with other related emotional issues including Social Anxiety, Adult ADD, etc. I'm a single mother living at my parents home with my two teenage (14, 16) boys one of whom is temporarily staying with his dad. I haven't worked in more than ten years. I'm receiving Disability benefits because of the severity of my depression. One (of my many) issues is that I'm ashamed to let people know that I DON'T WORK & LIVE WITH MY PARENTS. I spend most of my days locked in my bedroom avoiding everyone. I've been this way for so long that I don't see a good future for myself, besides feeling like a crappy mother for being so inactive. By the way, I am taking meds & see my psychiatrist monthly. My question is, HOW DO I SHAKE OR AT LEAST COPE WITH THIS FEELING OF BEING A USELESS LOSER BECAUSE I'M "LIVING" (more like simply EXSISTING)THIS WAY AND NOT WORKING?

[TheRealFDeal]

Elizabeth2, I'm sorry you're suffering. A lot of us feel as though we are just existing, and some just barely so. Have you considered weekly psychotherapy with, say, a psychologist? I just talk meds with my pdoc (psychiatrist).

Just wanted you to know you've come to the right place. You can get a lot of support here.

[GreyThinker]

Hello elizabeth2, and welcome. Congratulations on making the step from just reading newsletters to reaching out and sharing... it is not easy to open up and reveal ourselves to strangers. One thing you probably already know is that everyone's story is different, but usually there is someone who has experienced something similar to everyone else, even if it is only that we all suffer depression and understand how debilitating it can be. I think most of us can relate to feeling ashamed that we struggle to make more of our lives... depression robs us of so much yet we can't see a future past it. Does that sound familiar? For myself, while I am a lot older than you and my children are all grown, I too have that sense of shame that I am reliant on government payments and live with someone rather than having my own home. In my case, it was that I have been unable to get a job so have returned to study. Probably my low self-esteem did not help my job search... and sometimes my study pulls me down too. But there are days when I am glad to have this opportunity to learn, and sometimes what I learn gives me hope. Have you thought about enrolling in a simple class of some kind... it does not have to be academic, it might be something creative like pottery or useful like gardening or how-to-communicate (I found that one amazingly useful ). Yes, I know you feel safe in your room... but I sense your frustration at yourself and maybe you should give it a go . There are always online options which you can do in your room till you get the courage to try something outside. The other thing you might like to think about is volunteering somewhere. I assume your children go to school.... do the school teachers accept parents coming in to listen to children read? Or mix paints, or weed the garden bed? Maybe there is an old folk's home nearby you can visit... old people will happily play games like scrabble with anyone who simply takes the time to sit, and they don't care if there is not much challenge, they are just happy someone is there with them. It's true your depression might stop you getting a paying job, but if you look at the disability pension as the government's way of allowing you to do WHAT YOU CAN, then just do what you can. Start with little steps . Which reminds me... I often find walking helps me not only get out, but with my mindset too - can you walk your children to school, or walk them home?

[Rohag]

Welcome to posting, Elizabeth2!

Originally Posted by elizabeth2

HOW DO I SHAKE OR AT LEAST COPE WITH THIS FEELING OF BEING A USELESS LOSER BECAUSE I'M "LIVING" (more like simply EXISTING) THIS WAY AND NOT WORKING?

My circumstances are similar, not identical. I have not been able to overcome these feelings head on, but I've been able (so far) to cope with them indirectly.

• Pursuing whatever interest comes into my head to the best of my limited ability; consistency is not necessary
• Attempting to maintain - on a minimal level - daily, weekly, yearly rituals/observances
• Observing and studying my illnesses in as detached a way as possible

As with any method, your mileage may vary...