[Jamie.87]

I've always had this shadow of suicide on the back of my mind ever since I was 11 or 12, I'm 25 now and these last few days for whatever reason I can't stop thinking about it. The only reason I'm able to say this is because no one here knows me and I'm invisible.

I've never been to a doctor or therapist and I've never been on any kind of medication, I know that I've always wanted help but it's impossible for me to ask for it because I'm too embarrassed and scared.
No one knows how I really feel because I've created this fake person that everyone thinks is me.

I've read through alot of stories on here and it's helped knowing that I'm not alone but at the same time It's made me more angry at myself knowing that other people can ask for help and I can't.
I'm not sure why I'm typing this because I don't think anyone here can help me, I just needed to get this out for the first time even if it's just a message board.
I'll try to check back here in a couple of days if I'm not too embarrassed after clicking the "Submit New Thread" button lol

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Jamie. We are certainly here to listen and to support you.

I have a suggestion: Would you be able to go see your primary care doctor or a regular doctor and bring this topic up? That would certainly be less overwhelming than heading straight to a "head doc."

This doc might prescribe an antidepressant and likely help you make an appointment with someone who could help down the road. Do you have anyone who could go with you? A friend? A sibling? If you don't want to go by yourself......

I do hope you check back. You made the first step by posting here. That in itself is a major milestone. Feel proud of yourself for doing that!

And if you aren't really feeling like you're in danger of carrying out any plan, hang around here for awhile. Play some games. Chat about something light. And then over time work up to addressing deeper topics with your new-made friends here.

[lonelyemotionalgirl]

If you go to a psychologist, he or she does not have to give you medications. Also, if someone prescribes a medication, you do not have to take it. I was always afraid to go to the therapist, but I found out that a psychologist does not always give you medication. Sometimes, just talking to someone helps, and a therapist may give you advice and different exercised to help you to get through things and feel better.