I feel so defeated

I'm new here and hope to find some support. I'm a 50-year-old female, married, and I have a 23-year-old daughter. I have dealt with depression throughout my life and have been on Paxil before, which helped, but it sort of killed everything else, so I do not want to take anything anymore. Both my parents died from cancer and I sort of feel like an orphan anymore. I feel like I am stuck in a hole and I cannot get out. My husband is not supportive so I won't even bother to talk to him. There is no compassion, just blame. Sometimes I sit here and cry quietly because I feel defeated by life itself and I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wanted to talk to a therapist, but of course insurance will not cover it, and money is always a problem, as it is for everybody these days. I always feel like everbody's life is so much better than mine. I'm just really in a sad place right now. Everything is a struggle.

I hope to find some kind words and encouragement.

Oh dearheart, I can so relate. But please don't discount ALL medication just because the one didn't work. Not ALL meds do that to you. Most do not. I'm on Cymbalta, and it does NOT make me feel "numb" or like everything else is medicated. It just relieves the depression. It was the same with Prozac, but I had to stop taking that because I was on it so long that it quit working. That happens sometimes. Just ask your doctor if you can try something else that won't numb everything else. I'm sure he'll work with you.

I'm sorry too that your hubby isn't being supportive! That's important since we have to live with them. Have you talked to him about it? Or is he one of those who you just can't talk to? Evidently if all there is is blame, then he's not too great a conversationalist.

Is there a Depression Support Group where you live? Many cities have them, and perhaps there's one near you. You might check at your Hospital and see if they know of one in the city.

Would your insurance cover it if a doctor said that it was NECESSARY? What if they got prior authorization for it? Just wondering if perhaps the doctors office called and said it was necessary, that they might approve it. ????

Keep talking to us monkeygirl -- we'll be here. And chances are some of us have been thru or will understand what you're going thru. So don't hesitate to post, okay? Doesn't really matter the time of day -- usually someone is here. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Hello & Welcome, Monkeygirl123. "Defeated." Yes, those feelings are quite familiar.

Hello, Welcome. This is a good place--keep posting.

Monkeygirl
your heart is is hurting and I'm happy that you found this site to post on. I'm fairly new to the site and I feel very assured when I read some of the posts and replies from others. It seems that everyone genuinely cares about each other. I too feel alone even though I am married. My husband is showing his compassion for someone else, I feel defeated at times. fortunately I have a therapist. I think there are clinics where you could get some counseling in your city that would be free. There are resources I am thankful for the internet.
Welcome to you, warm thoughts