hey guys.
im still feelin real low today, i had a bad day yesterday emotionally but today is worse, i just cant get myself out of this mood. i feel really upset, feel like the slightest thing will set me off cryin. and ive got a bad headache and my shoulder STILL hurts!

and i feel really guilty cos my brother said to me earlier that my dad is drinkin again and he is quite unhappy today and my brother said i should talk to my dad, and i responded "no, im not talkin to him wen hes drinkin!" and now i feel guilty, but i just dont feel capable of it, is that a really selfish thing to do. i am a strong person, but wen i get in this mood i end up feelin guilty for not bein there for people wen they might need me. i feel really anti-sociable today, i cant hold down a conversation with anyone, im not myself, i cant connect with anyone and i just cannot be myself. and then im expected to be there for others. i know my dad isnt happy lately, and i have you guys to talk to, who does he have? thats why i feel guilty. i never ask for anyone to be there for me in return ya no, but then ive always gone through life worryin about other people and carin about how they feel, and if someone is unhappy at the same time as me, i usually be strong for them and leave my feeling aside whilst i help them out, but i just cant do it today. i will try, so i might be back later guys. i just dont feel strong today. i feel lonely again, unattractive and my confidence in myself is really low over the last few days. and i just dont no wat to do.no doubt i will sort myself out soon enough, im sure this is just my body doin wat needs to be done, but i feel tired, like i said ive got a bad headache, my shoulder hurts as im typin this, i feel all hot and bothered cos its hot here, and i just feel like cryin. i think i might, just let it all out by havin a good cry, maybe i will do that before i go and have a chat to my dad, build up some strength first.

another thing that bugs me is that im always the one that is expected to "talk" to people, like today for instance, my brother didnt talk to him, whats wrong with him doin it for a change! i suppose im always expected to because i always have done it so it just comes naturally. im makin it out to be as though i dont really care about people but i do, i really do. i love talkin to people wen they are down, comfortin them, makin them feel better, i am really good at it and i like bein there for people and i hope people know that im there for them...but tonight just seems hard to do it. does that sound selfish to you, cos it does to me?

hope to speak soon guys.
and i hope your all doin ok, will read through some posts now to catch up on all the latest.

thanks for listenin.

[Lexicon78]

(((((Simon)))))

Hi Simon, seems you have a lot on your plate. I relate to the feeling guilty, but you shouldn't be the only one to shoulder the responsibility. Your brother/sister are using a cop-out to get you to do the job every single time. Why not have a talk with them and tell them you would appreciate some cooperation rather than single-handedly handling your dad...

You do need time for yourself, by continually giving support - and not getting back as much support and caring, one does feel emotionally drained. And it doesn't help our self-esteem/confidence levels (e.g. we are always there for X, but who is there for me). First and foremost, you need to take care of yourself - e.g. talk to a friend when you are feeling low, go out for a walk, put some nice music on, or exercise...

You shouldn't feel guilty and it is not selfish. It is great to always be there for others, but for one, we are allowed a downtime as we are only human. Secondly, if you are emotionally drained how can you keep giving of yourself?? Once you 'recuperate', then you'll be able to help more efficiently. But you should not hesitate to say "time out for me" to your bro/sister. There is absolutely nohing wrong with that.

Hope you feel better today.

[Sujin]

[SeptemberMorn]

Simon, listen to Always. You can't do it all the time all by yourself.

Have you ever flown, or have you heard the instructions given by flight attendants. They say, in case of an emergency and the oxygen masks fall, to put it on yourself FIRST so you can then help others. If you don't, you'll pass out right away. It's the same with everything else, especially emotional help. YOU need to take care of YOURSELF first before you can help your dad. You need time for yourself to recoup, to fill up your own tank as it were. How are you going to help others if you're running on empty? You can't. It's not bad nor selfish. It's necessary! No need for guilt because YOU need whatever it takes to keep you running in top condition, ok?

you spoke alot of sense everyone, especially you always and septembermorn. i did speak to him last night, think it helped him, and i will use today and tomorow as my days for recouperation before goin back to work monday. thanks for the advice guys, is very much so appreciated.

speak soon