How can I ever trust myself

So much of my life has been so completely wasted how can I ever trust myself again? So much wasted time and effort and so little to show for it. How can I be so wrong about so much? Why can't I figure out what works and just get it done? I don't have time to go through every possible wrong thing until I find a life that works for me.

This is a great question and I am really hoping someone has some ideas. I too am really tired of making wrong decisions and then regretting them over and over, it makes it almost impossible to believe I will ever get anything right and I am probably one of the most indecisive people on this planet

The eternal question. I'm your age, and wonder that some myself. Nothing is ever going to be 100%right. That is just the way it is. There are two answers to that though, you can spend the rest of your time here on earth pondering that question, or you can start looking for opportunities. I know that isn't easy, its a daily struggle I fight myself.

At 35 I graduated with a degree I had wanted since I was six. I finally had that horse I'd always wanted and a good income. My IRA was started, and I had a good job. What could happen?

Alot. Senior year, I lost my marriage and my son (to the divorce, not death), and after three years in my job, lost my health. Now, at fifty, my income is under the poverty level, my legs don't work well so I fall all the time even with a cane. There have been 12+ surgerical proceedures to implant a peripheral nerve stimulator for chronic daily migraines, I fight the depression that I've ad sincd 5th grade and on and on. I do understand.

We make mistakes in life, and sometimes they are far reaching. We don't have the luxuary of hindsight, so sometimes those mistakes cost us an awful lot. Its not what you did though. At this point, its how you choose to handle your life from this point on. That isn't easy and sometimes there are so many peices there is no clear place to start. Believe me, I'm not making light of what you are going through. I just don't want you to spend your life wondering what could have been.

Have you ever looked back into your 20's and thought "if I'd only done this or that, I would have had blank what ever now"? The same thing will happen if you give up now. In ten years, you will look back and wonder why you didn't do something about it when you were 50.

Make yourself two lists. One with the things that you feel are your strengths, (no one else will see, so there is no need to be overly humble), and on the other, your weaknesses. Decide which of those weaknesses you think you can get rid of fairly easily to start with. On the positive side, explored the things you can do with the things that are good about your life. It doesn't matter if they are outrageous. Its a start and may lead to other ideas.

If you don't have a therapist, that might be a good idea. With the right therapist, you may be able to find your way through that maze that is your life now. If needed, there are medications that may be helpful for you either temporarily while you are starting, or, in some cases for life. I know the thought of medication is never pleasant, and most people don't want to be on them, but if they could help you move forward, wouldn't it be worth it?

I'm sorry I don't have any definitive answers for you. If I did, I wouldn't be struggling enough to be on this forum, but know that you are not alone. Although our experiences are different, we have all been through pain, devestation and betrayal to some degree or other. Please don't stop trying. We will be here when things get rocky, or, better yet, to hear when you are climbing up out of the hole.

Sam2

I love this reply. You are inspiring

Angryworld and GreyThinker it seems we are struggling with the same sort of questions at the moment. Most (almost most) of the decisions I make prove to be the wrong ones and how I would love to go back (obviously knowing what I know now, of course) and try again.
Regrets, I've had a few, is the story of my life.

What is "right" or "wrong"----we never really know what would have happened had we made different choices (I'm telling myself this all the time with mixed results)---I am 60, and yeah I still second guess---takes energy away from now and tomorrow...ah well...most of my regrets involve things I did not do... Even if I look back at the last week I fall into that trap----

For a long time, I have lived in fear of the consequences of the choices I make. I let the anxiety/depression get to me to the point where it seems easier to sit at home and do very little. It's a lot easier to imagine a life worth having than it is to go out and live it because that requires making risks and mistakes too. That fear can paralyze us into not making any choices at all. But what keeps me going is this idea that I can make the most of the future by investing in the present. I may not make the best decisions the first time around, but the trial and error process is a lot of what life is about. I have to keep trying because if I give up, I won't have the opportunity to make that better choice that will enrich my life.

The real question is how the heck did I log into your account and post under your name? But seriously, I could have written the above. It's startling. I think such things often lately.

I'm in the wrong tax bracket for therapy and meds. So much of my life is out of my hands. Feels like there are no more choices for me to make anyway.