[puzzclar]

After months of being semi okay, today just has to be the one that is terrible.

Can't focus, can't think through the pain, don't want to do anything.

Had an interesting session with T on Tuesday, and it's been eating at me all day. Why???? Why do I have to go through this? Why can't someone just take it away from me?? Why do I feel so alone?

I have group in a half hour, and I don't want to go. I have no one that I want to talk to, I don't want to report in for group.
Don't even want to do anything. AHHHHH

I don't want to go, but I still go out of obligation. and wanting something better, and I just sit and wonder when that something will come.

All in good time, Puzzclar. There will be good days and bad days along the way for
the rest of our lives. We learn to be patient, keep working at improving our situation
and have faith.

Things will change; that's for certain. And chances are they are going to change for the better as long as you persist in being with people, continuing therapy, and staying on your meds.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

...wonder when that something will come.

When you're not expecting it?

Try to be as kind to yourself as possible. Anything you get done on this day is it's own kind of victory.

[Pierro]

Hang in there, its better to be in a session than not. Its very hard to have patience but some people have a more difficult time than others. Its good to talk to people that want to help or just to listen, I hope you get back all you put. It sounds like you are a relly nice person and trying to do your best. Dont be so hard on yourself. Best wishes.

[puzzclar]

I did go to the session, I'm shaking and it's harder to type, but driving really helped afterwards. I know things will get better in time, I just wish it was a little bit faster then normal.

I'm in this only me thing, and I'm not connected to others, I just don't want to. Since it hurts too much.

What I hate the most is looking at the concern of other people, and that's the number one reason why I hate telling people how bad it is. I mean it feels like I shouldn't be living like my life means nothing, and I can't make any difference. So why try. and then I start to notice the muscle twitches that keep happening.

Please just let these feelings just end.

[Rohag]

You have "muscle twitches" and experienced "muscle weakness" in the past, yes? What do the doctors say about these?

Wishing you some rest and a quiet mind...

[puzzclar]

It's been pretty recent, so I haven't asked yet. and there's no muscle weakness.

I'm sitting in a practice room wanting to practice, but having a hard time focusing.

I was calm 3 hours ago and now this, wanting pain, shame, disaster, just wanting all of these feelings to disappear. And that's where the problems start to occur.

[RJ78]

Hey puzzclar, just sending some love your way. You're a thoughtful person.

RJ