[jean17]

I feel trapped. I don't know what to do. I feel like my life is empty and worthless even though I have a good mental health team and get out to two or three activities every week. I just feel so empty. Like I must be from another planet. Everyone around me seems to be okay and even though my life is perfectly fine I'm so depressed. I can't make any sense out of it. If only I could understand it, maybe I could learn to make it go away.

[allimsaying]

Understanding it is something that has taken up most of my life. It takes a awhile to work our way thru the layers and interconnections. Im glad Ive done the work but it can be so exhausting and confusing. No ones life is worthless but it can feel that way. Life can look perfectly fine on the outside and youre not sure things are ok for others, it just looks that way. A lot of people are putting on the mask. How long have you been in therapy? Do you feel like anyone in your team is helping you get at the root of things? Its hard trying to sort thru it so take breaks when you need to.

[Sam2]

Allimsaying definately speaks the truth. When you get to know someone you thought was "normal", often times you find out about all kinds of horrible things that have happened or are happening within the family. People don't want others talking about them or ones they love, so they keep it to themselves.

Right now seems like a bad time for you. Life does go on, even when it doesn't feel worth it. I've been slogging through it for forty years now, and there will be better days for you. Many times depression comes in waves. You feel better one day, then much worse the next. Sometimes, when you are having a good day, you either think you don't deserve it, or even feel fear of feeling good because its not what you are used to.

Just a theory, but depression takes away your ability to enjoy things, so you start to do less, interact with other less and wind up feeling empty because of it. If you were not depressed, and someone told you that you weren't allowed to do the things you are omitting from your life now, you would consider it a punishment. Part of that emptiness may stem from the fact that your depression has taken the pleasureable things out of your life. Stick with your counselling and work towards getting yourself back. Little by little you can refill those empty spaces.

Sam2