[shelleygone]

Hello,I'm new and I joined this site because I need the advice and opinions of others.

I am severely depressed right now, and I've been going through this depression for years now, just more severely recently. I can't seem to shake it.I'm not on any medications because I can't afford them. But, I do need them.

Right now I' so depressed that I don't see any need to go on. I/m not satisfied with my life, and because of my past, I know for a fact that I will never have the life that I would like to have. It's just not possible. This is probably the reason why I don't want to live, but there are other issues.

I am basically alone in this world. No one understands me or cares to understand me. I don't feel I have any family that cares about, and I don't really blame them. I have bee humiliated beyond what I can handle and it's taken a toll on me. Basically, if I die, it wouldn't matter to anyone. I know this because I am not as important to anyone as other people are. I feel like the only reason those who do know me want me to live is so they can see me watch other people live their lives and be happy. They want to make sure that I go through the worst life ever before I die. I'm tired of giving them the satisfaction. I could lie down right now and be okay with dying. That is how bad I feel. This feeling will never go away. I will never be the person I was supposed to be because of all of this. I can't live with that.

I just hate myself so much because of who I am. If I was anything important, I would have someone in my corner. I'd feel loved by my mom, and even my dad. I'd have meant something and those who took the time to make sure I felt pain and humiliation would not have done what they did and my family would not have agreed to it.

I've always been useless, unimportant, even as a child. I never felt I belonged or anything. Now, I know that I do deserve to feel this way, but I'm tired and would rather just die. I don't even want a good life anymore.

Does anyone have any advice for me. Thanks in advance.

[Travelinglady]

Hey, Shelley. I certainly agree that you are dealing with depression. It shows up in what you say and how you are thinking. Remember, though, that when we are depressed our thinking gets off track. For example, we get into a negative pattern and can't even think of anything good.

Have you checked to see if there's a clinic in your area? I assume you have seen a doc, since you were prescribed drugs. Also, see what services that might be able to give you a handout might be around. Perhaps a church ministry. Maybe at least enough help to take care of some meds. (I am assuming you are spending the money you have carefully. They would want to know that. No money for meds? Then why do you have cable TV? etc.)

Meanwhile, we are here to listen and support. Of course, sometimes we have a great many depressed people here and fewer people to help them at the moment. We do care, though, and we work to answer every post.

Please hang in here. Life IS worh living.

[Leed]

Hi dear Shelley ~ DON'T listen to the lies that your head it telling you -- and they ARE lies!

OF COURSE your parents love you. How can parents NOT love their children??? It''s just not possible, hon. It just isn't. You ARE loved. I know there were times that I DISAPPOINTED my parents, but that didn't mean that they didn't LOVE me. (my parents didn't show love, and never did but I think they still loved me)

And don't listen to the lies that no one would care if you were gone. THOSE ARE LIES. When we're mentally ill, our head tells us lies that are incredible. The problem is, we're so sick that we listen to them! We don't have any self-esteem, so we believe the lies.

You say you can't afford your medications -- Talk to your doctor and TELL him you can't afford them --- He can give you SAMPLES, hon!!! Please believe me, because they ALWAYS have samples of medications and he CAN help you!!! Just be honest with him about your financial status, and don't be so PROUD. Pride never got us anywhere but in trouble. Tell him the truth. Right now, with this economy, he will certainly understand! So will you PLEASE do it??? It's VERY important that you be on your medications. Talk to him -- and PLEASE let me know when you do cause I care! Love, Lee

[unhappycamper463]

I feel exactly the same. It's like I wrote that post.

Feel the same. My life is over.

[roads]

Hi, Shelly. As unhappycamper and triste have already added, there are hundreds at least feeling this way on the PC website alone. So many unhappy people. I'm glad you're here--together, we try to figure a way to get from tonight to tomorrow still in one piece.
Depression is a killing, lying, trickster that never let's up. We need each other desperately to survive. Our Forum here will put you in touch with folks who can share coping tips.
Please post there and anywhere else you feel a connection.
roadie

[shelleygone]

Hi, thanks for responding and sharing your thoughts.

It's not like I wouldn't be able to afford maybe a generic brand of anti-depressants, but rather my lack of insurance to even get in and see a physician who could then prescribe me medication. I think you have to have health insurance to even get an appointment, right?

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Hey, Shelley. I certainly agree that you are dealing with depression. It shows up in what you say and how you are thinking. Remember, though, that when we are depressed our thinking gets off track. For example, we get into a negative pattern and can't even think of anything good.

Have you checked to see if there's a clinic in your area? I assume you have seen a doc, since you were prescribed drugs. Also, see what services that might be able to give you a handout might be around. Perhaps a church ministry. Maybe at least enough help to take care of some meds. (I am assuming you are spending the money you have carefully. They would want to know that. No money for meds? Then why do you have cable TV? etc.)

Meanwhile, we are here to listen and support. Of course, sometimes we have a great many depressed people here and fewer people to help them at the moment. We do care, though, and we work to answer every post.

Please hang in here. Life IS worh living.

[shelleygone]

Hello, thank you for your response.

I know that my thoughts are out there sometimes, but I just can't help the way I feel. I don't like feeling like I do, but it's so hard for me to think otherwise.

Right now I don't even have a doctor because I'm not insured. So that's definitely what has kept me from seeking help. Maybe soon I'll get health insurance, but the way things are going, I don't know.

Originally Posted by Leed

Hi dear Shelley ~ DON'T listen to the lies that your head it telling you -- and they ARE lies!

OF COURSE your parents love you. How can parents NOT love their children??? It''s just not possible, hon. It just isn't. You ARE loved. I know there were times that I DISAPPOINTED my parents, but that didn't mean that they didn't LOVE me. (my parents didn't show love, and never did but I think they still loved me)

And don't listen to the lies that no one would care if you were gone. THOSE ARE LIES. When we're mentally ill, our head tells us lies that are incredible. The problem is, we're so sick that we listen to them! We don't have any self-esteem, so we believe the lies.

You say you can't afford your medications -- Talk to your doctor and TELL him you can't afford them --- He can give you SAMPLES, hon!!! Please believe me, because they ALWAYS have samples of medications and he CAN help you!!! Just be honest with him about your financial status, and don't be so PROUD. Pride never got us anywhere but in trouble. Tell him the truth. Right now, with this economy, he will certainly understand! So will you PLEASE do it??? It's VERY important that you be on your medications. Talk to him -- and PLEASE let me know when you do cause I care! Love, Lee

[shelleygone]

Hello, thanks for responding. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I know it's something so awful, you never get used to it, no matter how many years you've been down. At least that's how I see it.

Take care, and I hope things start to look up for you.

Originally Posted by unhappycamper463

I feel exactly the same. It's like I wrote that post.

[shelleygone]

Hi, thanks for your response.

I agree with your comment. It's good to be here where people won't judge and can understand what it's like to live with depression. I never in my life thought that I would be feeling the effects of depression. I just have never given it much thought. But, after having it for so long, day in and day out, without any change in mood, not even for an hour, I know all to well that this illness is real. It has worn me down to the point where I almost don't believe I can recover.

I'm just glad to be here. In my world, people are living life, happy, and even if their sad, they're still living. I can't relate to this, as I am like a dead man walking, or dead woman walking. So, it's good to be here where I know I can write about my experiences, help others where I can, and get support for myself as well.

Originally Posted by Roadie

Hi, Shelly. As unhappycamper and triste have already added, there are hundreds at least feeling this way on the PC website alone. So many unhappy people. I'm glad you're here--together, we try to figure a way to get from tonight to tomorrow still in one piece.
Depression is a killing, lying, trickster that never let's up. We need each other desperately to survive. Our Forum here will put you in touch with folks who can share coping tips.
Please post there and anywhere else you feel a connection.
roadie

[shery53]

Originally Posted by shelleygone

Hello,I'm new and I joined this site because I need the advice and opinions of others.

I am severely depressed right now, and I've been going through this depression for years now, just more severely recently. I can't seem to shake it.I'm not on any medications because I can't afford them. But, I do need them.

Right now I' so depressed that I don't see any need to go on. I/m not satisfied with my life, and because of my past, I know for a fact that I will never have the life that I would like to have. It's just not possible. This is probably the reason why I don't want to live, but there are other issues.

I am basically alone in this world. No one understands me or cares to understand me. I don't feel I have any family that cares about, and I don't really blame them. I have bee humiliated beyond what I can handle and it's taken a toll on me. Basically, if I die, it wouldn't matter to anyone. I know this because I am not as important to anyone as other people are. I feel like the only reason those who do know me want me to live is so they can see me watch other people live their lives and be happy. They want to make sure that I go through the worst life ever before I die. I'm tired of giving them the satisfaction. I could lie down right now and be okay with dying. That is how bad I feel. This feeling will never go away. I will never be the person I was supposed to be because of all of this. I can't live with that.

I just hate myself so much because of who I am. If I was anything important, I would have someone in my corner. I'd feel loved by my mom, and even my dad. I'd have meant something and those who took the time to make sure I felt pain and humiliation would not have done what they did and my family would not have agreed to it.

I've always been useless, unimportant, even as a child. I never felt I belonged or anything. Now, I know that I do deserve to feel this way, but I'm tired and would rather just die. I don't even want a good life anymore.

Does anyone have any advice for me. Thanks in advance.

I am new to have depression and bipolar. I agree that depressiopn lies to us makes us think no one cares. I also agree that your doc coukd give you samples. Mine does on the really expensive ones.

[CalmHope61]

Yes, these feelings are shared. Knowing that others are going through the same thing helps me with dealing with depression. How to move forward is question... I've been trying to find a spiritual solution. I am grateful for this forum.:

grouphug:

Originally Posted by Roadie

Hi, Shelly. As unhappycamper and triste have already added, there are hundreds at least feeling this way on the PC website alone. So many unhappy people. I'm glad you're here--together, we try to figure a way to get from tonight to tomorrow still in one piece.
Depression is a killing, lying, trickster that never let's up. We need each other desperately to survive. Our Forum here will put you in touch with folks who can share coping tips.
Please post there and anywhere else you feel a connection.
roadie