[bgngm1298]

I am not happy.
I am dead inside.
AND
No one cares.
It seems as though no matter how many times I try to get help and support from those around me, my cries go unanswered.
We (my husband and I) are in severe financial distress.
I’ve given into my husband’s pressure to purchase one new car after another for the past 11 years. What makes this extreme is that we’ve had least 9 cars in the 11 years.
I was forced by my husband to move from the first home that we owned into a new, much larger and much more expensive home.
I’ve been forced to spend money that we (my husband and I) don’t have in order to put a swimming pool in the backyard of the home that we moved into.
I run an in-home daycare to try to help make ends meet financially.
I have been told by my parents that they feel what I do is degrading and not what they had wanted to see me do with my future. What they cannot accept is that by my watching other people’s children out of the house I have been able to stay at home with my daughter for the past 2 years.
I have been %#@&#! on, walked all over, taken advantage of, cheated out of money and just torn apart by the parents that I serve.
I am having a difficult time filling openings in my home-based daycare.
I’ve had one child that I watched out of my home and that I cared deeply for ripped away from my care for no apparent reason.
In yet another attempt to bring money into my home, I have spent quite a bit trying to get a home-based bird breeding business off the ground with no success.
I don’t know that I can go back to work outside the home and make enough money. What I mean is that in order to make the money that we need to pay our bills I’d have to be paid an extreme amount of money hourly due to the fact that my daughter would have to be put in daycare.
I don’t want to have to put my daughter in daycare. I know that she will not be cared for in the manner in which I care for her. She is a very spoiled and pampered little girl that pretty much gets what she wants when she wants it and I cannot bear the thought of her being hungry all day long due to the fact that she will not eat what food they present her with and I do know for a fact that they will not work around her needs/wants.
I have been experiencing scary and saddening dreams.
I have a father that doesn’t know how to express his feelings for me.
I have a mother that doesn’t appreciate anything in life much less all that I do for her, my father and my younger sister. She also verbally abused me when I was living at home calling me horrible names.
I have a brother that is an alcoholic and was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive to me in years past.
I have a sister that expects to have the world revolve around her and that only treats me like a human when there is something in it for her.
My mother, sister, brother and father all at one time or another have belittled me for the weight that I have gained and made fun of me for having Social Anxiety Disorder.
I am being forced into accepting that my husband is going to be going out of town for a couple of days in August for work leaving behind both my daughter and I.
I have to take medications to keep severe depression from setting in and to keep myself from going crazy as a result of all of the crap that I have to put up with.
I have a mother-in-law, and two sister-in-laws that at the core of their being are nothing but evil
I want to put an end to my pain.
I feel neglected.
I feel abused.
I do not feel loved.
I need help!

(((((((bgn))))))))

Wow. sounds like you have so much on your plate. I'm so sorry that you feel unloved and unsupported. That is a scary place to be. You have our support here. Welcome to the site.

[almostangela]

Sounds like the way I was 5 years ago. You are holding onto a lot of stuff, and much of it you could drop with a little help. (ie family members issues). The financial stuff is big because it threatens your security and your instinctual base needs and I'm betting you feel like a failure because of it (which amplifies everything else). Take a deep breath and know that this is all fixable and this is only a rut that you can climb out of.

I went from the big house on the hill with debt beyond control, to now where I am living in a little house in the valley and with savings accounts instead of debt. I have never been happier and everything else fell into place. It wasn't easy, but it sure was worth it. Now my days are spent doing what I enjoy instead of working harder and harder to go nowhere.

Going from my experiences, swallow your pride and go see a financial counsellor and take their advise. It is actually a lot of fun learning how to be frugal. At the same time, find a therapist. Mine was free through the government because I did not have the money to pay for it. (This might be an avenue for you, too). Definately do NOT work harder because all you will do is dig that rut deeper.

As for your family, they are incapable of supporting you so don't involve them or even tell them what you are doing. Let their issues be theirs.

I know it is terrifying as you might feel like you are falling and don't know how far you can go, but take heart, because once you have a plan, although painful at times, you will smile one day again.

Those are just my thoughts from reading what you wrote. I wish you resolution and peace. We are all here for you.

thrift stores rock! store brand foods......cheap cat litter works as well as expensive stuff....walk more, drive less. check out books at the library.....recycle, recycle, recycle and barter.......

[katheryn]

i know were you are comming from i to have been having severe problems with debt, and i to like to give my children what they need, but the advice from almostangela and faryerody sounds like good advice, last year i was spending the minium amount on food so i could feed the six of us and pack 3 of with packed lunches. i bought the shop own brands of food and only spent an average of 30 pounds a week , budgeting does work, i dont share any of my problems with my brother, or my husbands family because of some the reasons you give,
good luck

[bgngm1298]

Hey Angela:

Thank you for all the wonderful advice and support. Your kind words mean more than you could ever imagine.

Regarding contacting a Financial Counselor, I've kicked around the idea and as you mentioned and I just need to swallow my pride and do so! I think the tough part of that will be convincing my husband that we are definately at the point where we need the help and that it is okay or necessary to do so!

Regarding my family and their knowledge of my issues, I've determined long ago that the less they know the better off I am. Unfortunately that does not keep them from saying and doing the horrible things that they do, but such is life I guess.

I'll be anxiously awaiting the day of the smile and will keep you posted as to how things progress.

Thanks again!

[bgngm1298]

Hey Fayerody:

Thanks for the tips.

I'm currently in the process of convincing my husband that it is okay to buy store brand/generic items and he seems to be slowly coming around.

If walking was an option you can bet I'd give it a whirl but unfortunately we live out in the middle of the country where everything is a good distance away!

Truthfully we have more than enough entertainment here at home so there shouldn't be any reason to have to go to the library to check out books or to Blockbuster to rent movies.

We have been recycling for some time now which is more rewarding than I could have ever imagined but the thought of bartering never crossed my mind. I will have to toss that idea around!

Thanks again for your ideas, thoughts and kind words. If you think of anything else please do not hesitate to holler!

i bartered family portraits, day before yesterday, for three 1-1/2 hour massages.

[(JD)]

It's tough to hear how overwhelmed you are! You might not be able to clear this up without either leaving the perpetrator or having them change. Couples counseling, and hard work can bring reward. You can't do this alone, trust me.

Running your own business is no small task. Perhaps by getting out of the home and working for someone else will help your self esteem and eliminate the business frustrations!

Remember no decisions now have to be permanent for the rest of life. TC

[Frozen_Heart]

(((cyber hug))))

Seems there are lots of people around here with comforting shoulders to help you through your pain. I just want to you to know that I understand what you're going through. I'm glad you're here.

[bgngm1298]

Hey Everyone:

First of all, I want everyone to know just how appreciated all of the wonderful support and comments to date have been. It's so nice knowing that there are people out there that care and that will try to help if they can! Now I'm going to get a little more serious if you don't mind.

My mother-in-law has neglected and mistreated my daughter on several different occassions since my daughter was a year old (3 years now). After each incident we (My husband and I) distance ourselves from her for quite some time thus allowing ourselves the opportunity to cool down and we choose not to place our daughter in her care again until we feel she is ready to be given another chance to handle things in the manner that they should be handled. Well, what I am wondering is when is enough enough? I hate having to worry that if I leave my daughter in her care chances are good that she may not receive the care that she deserves. My next question is, should we confront her with our concerns/disgust advising her that we feel she cannot be trusted with our daughter and therefore our daughter will not be allowed to spend the night etc. or do we just bite our lip and refuse alone time? Please take a minute and let me know what you think. Your opinions mean so much to me!

Take Care!
Gina