[summerbreeze]

My power was shut off yesterday.
All avenues of possible assistance were explored & exhausted.

I spent the last of my Food Stamps on a sweet lady and her
tiny husband so they would eat until the first.
(They had no other help)
I have some soup & frozen fish sticks left....I kinda wanted a
small ham for Easter.

My new scan on Monday shows a shadow on my right jaw.
So far the cancer has been on my arms & legs.
This one hurts too.

I seem to have lost my understanding & ability of hope.
All I feel is Fear.....as if something is ending.

My sweet Conure Koda senses (I believe) the dark thing in my
jaw.....she will scrape at it with her sharp beak. Push at my
face with her foot.

No final plans have been made on that yet.
Biopsy first I suppose.

In my almost 60 years I have gone thru things that should have
drove me into madness.
Losses that ripped my heart from my chest.
But the Fear has never been so all consuming.

I became a recluse in order to live my own life.
No need for explanations of my eccentricities.
I 'm not "weird".....just "gifted ".

I don 't ask for riches.
I only ask for my life with my birds....
My books.....
An occaisional video game......
The stars at night....
And a hug now & then.

Seems when I help someone to smile the world slaps me down.

Easter will be a can of tuna I guess.
I will crank up the lanterns too.
And wait for the biopsy.
I will think of an old pair of people enjoying possibly their last
Easter together.....and grab another sweater.

Now where can I find a hug?
Mama

[optimize990h]

((((summerbreeze)))), thanks for sharing. I have a cockatiel, so I share your love about birds.

[allimsaying]

Dear Summer,

Sorry for not replying sooner. When I get home from work my mind doesnt allow me to say how deeply I feel. When I wake, not much better.

Reading your story I just have feelings of overwhelming sadness for you. Maybe its not what you need. You need a friend who can give you real help right now and that isnt going to be me. I wish I was able to take away the illness and give back power, not only to your home, but to your soul. I cant do that and Im not certain who can.

This isnt a fate you deserve, no one does. I understand feeling eccentric and wanting to be alone, even when I cry for the company of others. I pray a miracle will come your way.

[penguinsing]

Sorry you are going thru all these.
I will pray for you.
Please hang in there.

I also will pray for a miracle for you, Summerbreeze. It is painful for us not to be able to supply the things you need, the power you must have, and the strength to
continue to endure. God is near, nevertheless, so keep praying.

Contact your local newspaper if necessary requesting help. Locating people in your
area that a real problem exists for you should get some action quickly.

Have you tried the Salvation Army? Or Red Cross? Look them up and contact them, please.