How i feel i guess..

I can't look in the mirror without crying,
Whether tears actually fall or not,
I still cry, on the inside.
I cry because i long to be beautiful,
To be wanted and finally looked at.
I know im not pretty, my friends..
Of course they all lie.
They aren't about to tell me the truth,
The truth hurts afterall,
But im already hurting.
Im hurting so badly because..
I hate what i see in the mirror.
I hate who i am, what i am,
What i look like.
I really do wish to be pretty,
Everyday and night i long for it,
But then knowing it wont come true..
That hurts more than the cuts.
More than the blood thats escapes me,
Purely for the reason that i can't be..
What i so desperately want to be.
The cuts really only make me look worse,
Scars now lace my body, reminding me
Of the reason they are there everytime i see them.
But what else can i do to punish myself..
For looking and being like this?
I hurt people who don't deserve it,
Don't deserve to be hurting, and so..
I hurt even more instead.
I deserve the pain after all.
I deserve to look in the mirror
And see what i see.
I deserve to be lonely and broken,
Not just heart broken,
Truly broken.
And i deserve to never be put back together.
I will have to live my life in these..
Shattered, sharpened pieces.
Like the ones that trail across my body,
The ones that hurt me and cut me.

I deserve this life.
This is my punishment.
This ugly, painful, lonely prison.
Me.

I wrote this to try and some up how i feel, but to be honest it didn't even come close..

i'm so sorry. let us help you try to put some tiny pieces back together and work on getting you whole. there are tons of really good people here who will support and listen to you.......we're here and we'll share. xoxoxo pat

trulybroken,

Your post certainly rang a bell inside my head ... I'm sorry, and I do know the feeling a bit.

**hugs** (if okay) and please continue to post as often as you want ... it can help.

(((Truely Broken))))
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad but you DO NOT deserve to feel this way or to be punished.
I hope deep down inside you know that.

but why don't i though? im not a very nice person and so i deserve to be hurting and feeling like this. surely?

I find when I'm not being a nice person it's because I'm hurting inside and I'm acting out. Like a wounded animal you swipe out at things and roar and make messes because you're in pain. When nobody helps you through this pain and sometimes instead agitates it or says you're only imagining it-it makes it that much worst.
Can you say how it is you act that makes you feel like you're not a nice person? I bet there's a very good reason behind it and it's because you're feeling scared.
No, you don't deserve feeling like this. You deserve to get your wounds looked at, cleaned up, fixed and bandaged so that you may feel better and start acting like your nice, loveable, cuddly self again.