[stars25]

Hey Everyone,

I have this topic that I'm pretty confused about and obviously hurt, but I think if I can gain some understanding, it will help with closure.

My fiance is 26 and I am 22. My fiance broke up with me in November 2012, at this time he was having a mental breakdown and crying hysterically, his dad had to help him move his stuff out of our apartment. I was freaking out too cause I didn't see this coming. I mean I knew he was depressed but I didn't realize it was as bad as it was. 2 days later he sends me this long email, apologizing over and over again for how the breakup went, that he had hit his ultimate low and that he needed time and space to figure his life out.

For the next month we emailed back and forth maybe twice. Then one day as I checked my email, I noticed he wrote a email saying I miss you, I cant get you out of my head and this week has been really hard for me. So we go on msn and talk, and its a great talk. After that Day which was December 16th we talk everyday on msn for the next 2 weeks until he comes up after Christmas. We have a long talk, he reads this huge letter about stuff we need to work on and I read him mine and its a great weekend together. He then goes back home ( since the break up i had moved back to my moms two hrs away). Two weeks later hes able to come back up again and we text/ talk on phone during the two weeks so communication is good. We were intimate both times he came to my place.

So towards the beginning of January his emotions start to get to him again, he is feeling very stressed out about college, his weight, medical concerns etc. February 4th we text each other and its an alright conversation, towards the end of the conversation he says " have a good sleep, sweet dreams I love you, goodnight" The next four days after that no messages. He emails me 4 days later and says:

" I'm sorry I haven't been talking to you these past four days, I had another breakdown and it wasn't good. I cant be in a relationship right now because its not fair to either of us because I cant be in a relationship the way that I should be. I need time and space to get back onto my feet and to get help. (just part of what he basically said).

It has now been over a month since we talk. He wont answer my calls on his cellphone, text messages, emails, etc.

Now what I want to know is...is he really going through something or did he just use me for sex? I know he is going through something but its hard to tell if hes used me. Before he seemed so eager to get back together and work things out, his 7 page letter explained and talked about a lot of stuff. I'm confused and hurt because I did want to marry this man but now I dont know if he'll ever come back to me....Help.

[Travelinglady]

It's hard to say for sure. But I would think it is possible that he's having mental problems. I know I've had to sort of go underground at times when I can't function. It sounds like he spent a lot of time and effort with you, if he was just interested in sex. Why would he spend so much time and work so hard on the relationship if that were the case?

[allimsaying]

Im not sure how to decipher his actions. If he wrote a 7 page letter and if it wasnt the truth then he must be very good at lying? How are you doing?

Hard to say Stars, but when a man is serious, he's serious, and he lets you know about it, too. I wouldn't count on having the relationship work out in the long run, primarily because he's unstable. You're going to have to deal with that if you decide to wait for him to come back.

In the meantime, you need to be with friends and continue to have friendships
that will be healthy for you. You've suffered through his illness and you're too young to have to endure that for a long time.

Please get back into going out with friends and at least have interests in people so that you can put his memory away while he either gets well or you meet someone
who is stable and fall in love.

Take care.

[stars25]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

It's hard to say for sure. But I would think it is possible that he's having mental problems. I know I've had to sort of go underground at times when I can't function. It sounds like he spent a lot of time and effort with you, if he was just interested in sex. Why would he spend so much time and work so hard on the relationship if that were the case?

Thank You for replying. I completely agree with you. Its just hard at times to accept and its hurtful :S

[stars25]

Originally Posted by allimsaying

Im not sure how to decipher his actions. If he wrote a 7 page letter and if it wasnt the truth then he must be very good at lying? How are you doing?

Well I'm getting better with each day. Just hurts sometimes because he's still in my head and I just want all his to stop. I think this is going to affect my ability to trust people in the future and with future relationships. I'm pretty worried about that :S

[stars25]

Originally Posted by genetic

Hard to say Stars, but when a man is serious, he's serious, and he lets you know about it, too. I wouldn't count on having the relationship work out in the long run, primarily because he's unstable. You're going to have to deal with that if you decide to wait for him to come back.

In the meantime, you need to be with friends and continue to have friendships
that will be healthy for you. You've suffered through his illness and you're too young to have to endure that for a long time.

Please get back into going out with friends and at least have interests in people so that you can put his memory away while he either gets well or you meet someone
who is stable and fall in love.

Take care.

I completely agree with you! I just wanted an outside perspective so I can stop telling myself that he will come back. He is very unstable and in my life, especially right now I need stability. I really appreciate you ( and everyone) responding to this post. In the future I would really like a relationship that I'm comfortable in. I don't think I ever let myself realize how uncomfortable I was :S

I just hate mind games. I wish if he didn't want to be with me he would just write me an email saying so. It would hurt but at least then it would be some kind of closure and I wouldn't have to make assumptions. One thing I don't understand is why he won't get help for himself? he has seen a counselor in the past but that didn't help much.

I've gotten back into reading ( I used to read a lot) and I'm starting to learn how to play the mandolin. As far as friends go, their living in all sorts of different cities so its hard to see them at times. I'm working on it though Thanks again.