[SarahOracy]

I've been with my partner for years now, friends for longer and i've been there through some tough times but now i feel me being understanding and respecting that she sometimes needs space and time to go through things alone is being taken lightly and she has got too comfortable with it over the years and I just wanted someone elses perspective

If your still reading, thankyou it means alot and i'll give some more details
She has bad phases and good phases as anyone does, during bad phases I am aware they are happening but only because over the years I know the signs and signals from the small things such as knowing she feels like ODing from a text or larger more obvious such as seeing cuts that she can't hide from me

Anyway, she isn't big on talking about things and I have always respected that by not harrassing her - like i said i only know a lot of it is happening because i can tell, not because she has told me
I give her oppertunties to talk, i pick timings and environments that she is comfortable in and over text so it isn't face to face but she rarely takes me up on them and over time the rare times that she does talk are getting less and less and I can see her getting worse

I don't know how to change the routine, whenever I try she gets out of the conversation by saying she'll talk more etc but i know its just to shut me up
I'm worried that she's got too comfortable with my understanding and I can see her going down in a spiral and I can't do anything about it

[Travelinglady]

Yes, she definitely sounds like she is hurting. Do you know much about her past, especially her childhood?

Alas, if she doesn't want help, then there's not much you can do. Just tell her you are there for her, if she wants to talk, as you have been doing is what I suggest. Frankly, it sounds like she needs some professional help, but......

[jewel2560]

Originally Posted by SarahOracy

I've been with my partner for years now, friends for longer and i've been there through some tough times but now i feel me being understanding and respecting that she sometimes needs space and time to go through things alone is being taken lightly and she has got too comfortable with it over the years and I just wanted someone elses perspective

If your still reading, thankyou it means alot and i'll give some more details
She has bad phases and good phases as anyone does, during bad phases I am aware they are happening but only because over the years I know the signs and signals from the small things such as knowing she feels like ODing from a text or larger more obvious such as seeing cuts that she can't hide from me

Anyway, she isn't big on talking about things and I have always respected that by not harrassing her - like i said i only know a lot of it is happening because i can tell, not because she has told me
I give her oppertunties to talk, i pick timings and environments that she is comfortable in and over text so it isn't face to face but she rarely takes me up on them and over time the rare times that she does talk are getting less and less and I can see her getting worse

I don't know how to change the routine, whenever I try she gets out of the conversation by saying she'll talk more etc but i know its just to shut me up
I'm worried that she's got too comfortable with my understanding and I can see her going down in a spiral and I can't do anything about it

Well, I obviously don't know what she has or if she is getting help, which is sounds like she may need, but either way she is getting less talkative about how she feels and it is making you unhappy and scared. Relationships are about two people. Even with her condition, while being supportive is wonderful and amazing of you, you deserve as her partner to know what is going on. And after a while being too supportive is a bad thing. She needs to know you are worried and that despite everything you deserve to know what it going on in order to stay in the relationship. I have been on both ends of this, and what I find works is a minor but calm confrontation. She won't get better if she ignores what is happening, and since you love her you shouldn't let her do that to herself. Tough love works on me when I get bad, it is hard but in the end you will both be better for it.

Sarah, the symptoms you describe resemble bipolar illness, frankly, but we aren't doctors, so we can't diagnose. Things that appear to make it seem as though it might be a form of bipolar illness are the cutting, the overdosing, the anger, the silent treatment, and worsening of symptoms.

In my view, Sarah, you should encourage your friend to see the family doctor and request a referral to see a psychiatrist for help. Even if that person is not bipolar, she has issues that need to be corrected. She may have a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected with medication.

If it is bipolar illness, it can get worse untreated as the years progress. She needs
help and she needs to be stabilized. I encourage you to do everything you know to
do to get her in to talk to a psychiatrist (or family doctor for referral to a psychiatrist).

Good wishes to you.