[Fuzzybear]

I've been thinking today about how it's so easy to make assumptions... based on our histories of trauma ect, particularly from childhood...about how we're not wanted, don't belong anywhere at all... while in reality, most of the time, these assumptions are false. My depression is worse than ever and these negative voices are louder than ever, and fear.... endless bottomless fear. I suppose I should be on higher doses of meds rather than lower.... but I'm hoping (and I don't have much hope right now) that somehow this will get easier, that I should trust the doctors etc (although because of my history I don't have too much reason to trust them...).ok so I'm sorry for the rant. I don't want to bum people out who read and post here like I bummed someone who I thought was a good friend out a year or so ago. My bpd kicked in and I was a needy brat But my friend was so so so angry. (no one who has ever been on pc).. she did forgive me, straight away when I apologized. But since then I've been even deeper in my cave and very rarely let anyone get close..... even less than before. few people irl even want to get close to me, (I look a mess these days ) and I guess I don't blame them. I wish I really was a bear.

I could write more... I won't though... and hopefully will go back to only posting hugs.
My bed is calling me, even that doesnt feel safe any more

feeling like deleting this

[Pierro]

Fuzzy, You are always dancing for somebody else, its time we danced for you. (not literally! I can't dance.) You are not ranting, it looks like the rug is pulled out from under you. Things that happen in your childhood mould the way are as adults, and even at an early age we make assumptions, even thought they may not be correct. I totally get that. when my mom was sad I thought it was me that made her cry. I know different now. I'm so sorry you are feeling low. One day you are fine, the next day Wham ! you get the stuffing knocked out of you. Sometimes you have to have a leap of faith Fuzzy, because you said yourself you may need more meds. Best wishes to you Fuzzy. We love the hoola bear!

[beauflow]

(((( Fuzzy Bear ))))

s

The negative thinking patterns are tough to change from and to get fully away from, but I have hope for all that suffer from such patterns.
s

Many well thoughts your way

I think your writing out things could be good for you, you're not whinning, you're not being anything negative, you're reaching out.

s

[Rohag]

A novel or hugs -- if they are from Fuzzybear, we'll receive them gently and gladly.