Get Well / Go Crazy

Does anyone ever wish that they'd either get well or just go completely mad? I'm so tired of being caught in the middle... functioning reasonably well on the outside, but filled with depression, anxiety & odd compulsions on the inside. Every day is the same old battle. It's been this way my entire life & the older I get, the harder it gets. I just wish I could get well (of course I know this will never happen... my condition is chronic) or just go completely insane to the point where I neither know nor care what I'm thinking or doing! Sometimes the idea of "senior demenetia" starts to sound pretty good...

Yes! A beautiful and fascinating fantasy world would be nice. That's not going to happen either. I've tried. Senior dementia doesn't sound so good. I've seen it. It isn't pretty.
Savor the small joys.

All the time.

Yes, yes I do. It's difficult being ill while the outside looks on and sees wellness. My friends and family can tell when I'm worse by the look in my eyes I guess but for most of the world, I'm whole and happy. Internally I'm a wreck. I just wish I had something wrong that was more treatable than depression; more obvious. Thanks for the post.

Yes I feel like that a lot, and I lean towards madness because I certainly am not going the other way I don't think.

I know how you feel.

Are you seeing therapist and or taking meds ?
I am taking meds and can't afford a therapist.
I have depression and it's not very functional well outside and inside.

I dunno if I will have no depression someday in future,
and I am dunno if I can ever get off meds.
Of course I want both, but right now I just want to be able to function and have a health routine life. And more over to enroll in some program and able to finish, then get a job, and be an ordinary individual with a normal casual ordinary life.

I know how you feel as well. Right now I feel like losing it completely would be so much easier. I don't really have any support at the moment to keep me from going crazy, but it's a painfully slow decline that I dont know how to get out of. I really hope we can all get well somehow. I just don't know how yet...

Yep it's certainly a battle…never ending one.

Yes, I do often wish I could be totally well, like all the normal people out there. However, with my bi-polar, I know it is not a possibility. I can be as well as possible by taking my medication as directed.

I feel like that now it's almost like I want to crawl up into a ball and sleep the rest of my life. Not quite suicidal but just don't want to face depression at the moment

Yes, yes, yes. I totally understand this. I kind of see it on two levels. One is overall, throughout life, type deal, and the other is more short term. Right now, I have really good weeks followed by really bad weeks, and they keep switching on me really quickly -- functioning, not functioning, functioning, not functioning. It makes things very difficult, just making plans to get together with friends is hard because who knows what kind of week next week will be.

I feel that way a lot also. My illness is also "invisible," so people don't think of me as disabled--so they get real irritated with me and think I'm just being lazy or whatever. When I have talked about it, I got all kinds of accusations of faking it, etc, so I had to quit talking about it.

I feel ya, but not for depression. Mostly because I have major life decisions to make and a past I'd rather not face but I have no other choice at the moment. Crawling into bed and not getting out sounds like a dream.

I know exactly what you saying close people in my life does not understand depression. My mom for instance says just think positive it will all blow away. Yeah I know if I'm positive in life it will be better but it is getting to that positive thinking that is hard to do when you depressed.

Tanks for the hug waddington. Yeah I cannot crawl into a ball either the problems I am facing is at work. I just need to swallow my emotions and deal with it.