[poptart316]

I've been so BORED lately and have also been feeling isolated.. I wish I had more friends to take up my time but I'll probably need an alternative to friendship since it's so hard to come by.

I wish I had a hobby, something that I'm passionate about but I'm not really interested in anything.. I've lost interest in music, I don't take the time to download anything and I've even come to dislike some of what I used to like for stupid reasons. I used to have dreams of becoming a filmmaker but have given up on that completely.. I just don't have what it takes, I'm nowhere near as fearless and confident-(blindly arrogant) as I used to be.. I guess I used to lie to myself, but not anymore. Nothing sounds appealing to me.. not photography or singing or going to see live music or making friends.

I'm worried about my future.. I'm going to school so I can get a job and support myself, I'm supposed to go into graphic design but I'm not if I want to do it or if I can even grasp it.. I really don't think I'm smart or motivated enough to really do much of anything and I'm starting to think maybe I should just stick to menial work but I don't even feel competent/sane enough to do that.. and also I've always wanted to do MORE with my life and have a job I like but I just don't care.

All I've been doing is watching TV and sleeping. I've barely kept up with school.. dropped all but one class and am barely keeping up with that and not really applying myself as I should.. I had a 5 page paper to write but only wrote 3 pages and didn't bother to include sources or anything, I just did the bare minimum in hopes I'll get a c in the class because my first 2 papers were better.

I just hate being in this funk.. I want to care about something, someone, myself.. but I don't. Therapy doesn't really anything for me and the meds only help so much. I'm tired of this. I wish there was more to my life.. everything seems so empty and stupid.

Sorry for that long rant.

[Rohag]

No need to apologize for the 'rant'!

Originally Posted by poptart316

...dropped all but one class...

Just my opinion: I think this wise. You are struggling with depression. In this state your capability of getting the most out of classes is limited. Conversely, it might be unwise for you to judge your long-term suitability for your course of study or potential career while your depression is flaring.

Wishing you success in doing what is necessary and most especially in understanding what is really necessary.

[Sam2]

oportunities don't always show up when we look for them. Some of the best ones fall into our laps when we least expect it. All of the feelings you are having sound connected to your depression, and it can be hard to fight your way out.

Many people change their majors in college several times before hitting on the right one. Taking some general classes in a lot of different areas may help you decide what you like and what you don't. What you are capable of is often greater than what you think your capable of. It may not be the right time for you to start school. It took me almost 11 years between graduation of highschool and going back and starting college. Depression had a lot to do with it. My high school grades were mediocre because I just didn't care, and i thought I was worthless and stupid. All I ever did was lay around thinking about death. Once I'd been in the job market for a while, I knew I didn't want to do that sort of work anymore. By then, the depression had lifted somewhat.

Don't underestimate yourself. You already realize that you have a depression problem, so consider many of those negative thoughts to be related to the depression. You may not be on the right medications as well. There are so many these days, both individual and combinations. I won't tell you to try and motivate yourself, because I remember how it felt, and frequently still does. Do the best you can with where you are at in life at the moment. Don't give up your dreams. Other people's opinions have no bearing on what you really can accomplish, and your own thoughts are currently clouded with depression. Dreams keep us going, whether we eventually realize them or not. You never know, yours may well come true in the future. When the time is right, you will take your opportunity and run with it. Believe in yourself. Tell yourself that you can do the things you want to do. It really doesn't matter how many come true. Constantly berating yourself adds up and becomes a self made barrier. Telling yourself that you are smart and able to do what you want may seem stupid, but if you hear it enough, you will start to believe it. (No, I'm not a motivational speaker idiot). If telling someone that they are worthless again and again can cause that person to become depressed and unable to function at the level they are capable at, then it makes sense that telling someone they are smart and capable over and over would have positive effects.

Sam2

[CharactorAssassin]

Of course all seems meaningless without mental stimulation. Try to walk to stimulate your brain. Your at a place where it might take very little effort to get you back into the swing of tjings. Just find a place a do a long walk(45 min) or jog. Drink a large cup of coffee first and see if that'll get you back on track. Exercise is #1. You can just pace back and forth in your room to get that stimulation back. Don't throw in the towel. Its just biochemistry. You might be amazed. Prime that pump. Get that mower going. Drive that ATP. Cellular respiration. Victory!
I was pacing all winter long in my room like a weirdo. never was I so productive. Count 1 for each end of the room. Its a goal. Count to 100 or 200.

[CharactorAssassin]

Originally Posted by CharactorAssassin

Of course all seems meaningless without mental stimulation. Try to walk to stimulate your brain. Your at a place where it might take very little effort to get you back into the swing of tjings. Just find a place a do a long walk(45 min) or jog. Drink a large cup of coffee first and see if that'll get you back on track. Exercise is #1. You can just pace back and forth in your room to get that stimulation back. Don't throw in the towel. Its just biochemistry. You might be amazed. Prime that pump. Get that mower going. Drive that ATP. Cellular respiration. Victory!
I was pacing all winter long in my room like a weirdo. never was I so productive. Count 1 for each end of the room. Its a goal. Count to 100 or 200.

That is such an easy and effective method to get back on track. Its like magic. It requires no gym membership or equipment. you do not even have to go outside. One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

[CharactorAssassin]

To me Boredom always means take control and make coffee. It is at that point. That mental state that could go one of 2 ways. 1 you give up complete control and head for despair. Or 2 take control out of boredom. It works evertime.

[poptart316]

thanks for the comments/advice!