[boncliffkennels]

All of my life I have fought depression, several times losing the fight but only to fight on another day. Lately I seem to be slipping back into that Severe Depression that tormented me most of my life. For the past month I have been constantly fighting with myself trying to make sense of my life. It seems that the more I try the more down I get. My support system sucks and I am running out of places to turn to. I am married w/ 2 great kids so I try my best to "Pretend" everything is fine. My wife, who is also a "Medical Professional" refuses to see the issues I am trying to work through. I am constantly being belittled by her. If I hurt, then she has to be hurting more. No matter what I do it never seems to be appreciated. I try my best to do what I can but being Newly Disabled I am limited on what I can do. I know it's hard for her knowing I am outof work and she is the sole support right now but why must she constantly throw that in my face. I constantly hear her tell people about her bad day and then she'll just look around and say "Well Somebody's Gotta Work Around here!" She thinks it's funny but it's like a stab in the heart for me! She seems to forget I was the sole support for several years. When our daughter was born and was Diagnoised with Spina Bifida she stayed home and I worked. When i blew out my knee, I missed 2 days at work, for surgery. She had a partial ligiment tear in her knee and took of 4 months. The whole time I never said a word about working non-stop. I can't understand why she can't be supportive of ME for once. I am suppost to be Non-Weight Bearing because of my multiple fractures and the permanent injury to my foot yet I am up every morning getting our kids Up and ready for school, getting her off to work, doing laundry, cleaning house, running errands even though I am NOT supposed to be driving, and making sure there is supper for her and the kids EVERY night. Not once, until now, have I ever complained. At night I am in so much pain I can't see straight and she'll just look at me and say "I don't know what your problem is I WORKED ALL DAY! I want to snap but instead I just sit there and take it because I feel so guilty not being able to work and support my family. I am running out of options, between the pain and aggrivation I am lost and have no where left to turn. I am to the point of just saying F-it and finding some kind of work even if if does cause more permenent damage. What else can I do?!!

[catsrhelm]

Don't feel bad, I am going through the same thing. I keep trying to explain to my husband that chemical depression and situational depression are not the same thing. I am afraid to tell him I am depressed because he either yells at me to snap out of it, or pooh-poohs it. As for work, I feel better when I do, even though mine is once a week volunteer type stuff. I think it's the getting out of the house part and away from the situation that helps me. Oh yes, I too was there when he went through a medical drama. It wasn't easy because he got awfully mopey. Turned out he was depressed, but didn't care to tell me about it. Oh well! His loss.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by boncliffkennels

I want to snap but instead I just sit there and take it because I feel so guilty...

If this goes on much longer, I believe you will snap. What form will that snap take?

Very sad. You cannot count on support from your spouse. You may be able to find just any kind of work, but it may result in permanent damage and/or total breakdown. "What else can I do?!!" is a legitimate and important question. Could you go through your doctors or 211 to speak with a counselor about it?

[adam_k]

Is there a possibilty of working from home? Or how about a wheel chair? If you were in a chair most of the day would that ease some of your pain and allow your wounds to heal?
Being the only one to work is frustrating and it sounds like she is projecting her frustration about it onto you. Being belittled doesn't help depression and not having supportive people in your life makes you feel alone. From my experience pretending like everything is ok isn't the most ideal way to handle it. I put on a mask and pretended like I was fine. When things got bad, I would throw myself into work and school and try to ride out the bad patches. I qouldnt tell my wife and she felt very rejected when I didn't pay attention to her and I would constantly work. Thankfully I have a supportive wife, and when I finally did open up about all of it she was willing to be there for me. Having someone in my life that I can openly talk to and get support from makes things more bearable and keeps me connected and feeling alive.

Hi,
I would highly suggest that you get some counseling on this matter. I understand what your going through as I have mental illness & on disability. Somehow your Wife needs to understand your side of things. Although I don't know her she sounds real selfish.
And you can't keep this up either.
There is just too much expectation here for you to do everything.
Is there any way to get some help around the house?
Can you open up to your Doctor and ask him for his advice tell him its real difficult around the house with the demands that your Wife places.
And add to that trying to get your kids ready for school + the errands+laundry+fixing dinner. Gee, reverse the gender & you have my Step Dad when I was growing up cause my Mom had to do all of that only difference she didn't have physical disabilities.
It seems to me that your Wife resents you.
That is going to have to be addressed by a therapist. No if's, and's , or but's about it.
So talk with your Doctor or as its called in 21st Century your primary care provider.
Because this situation if it isn't resolved in some kind of way will get worse!
And you don't want that. I know that it must be scary, but everyone has to work together. And I don't want to see a Family break up over something like this.
I hope it helps.
If this is overwhelming? Take some baby steps but do something and talk to someone.
Good luck!

[Fuzzybear]

[H3rmit]

> My wife, who is also a "Medical Professional" refuses to see the issues I am trying to work through. I am constantly being belittled by her. If I hurt, then she has to be hurting more. No matter what I do it never seems to be appreciated. I try my best to do what I can but being Newly Disabled I am limited on what I can do. I know it's hard for her knowing I am outof work and she is the sole support right now but why must she constantly throw that in my face. I constantly hear her tell people about her bad day and then she'll just look around and say "Well Somebody's Gotta Work Around here!" She thinks it's funny but it's like a stab in the heart for me! She seems to forget I was the sole support for several years.

And I gather talking to her about this has been unsuccessful. I hope you get some help as people are suggesting. THis is just untenable, when your partner isn't supporting you emotionally.