[cg92]

I'm really not sure if I am depressed or just lazy person with a crappy attitude. I guess I would say I am depressed, but I don't know how severe it is. I've never sought a doctor about it.

I experience social anxiety often and have a pretty small comfort zone. Basically I spend 80% of my time in my room, alone with the door closed and sit behind the computer monitor all day.

I'm almost 21 years old. I live alone with my mother. I'm not currently going to school, I just work part time. I have a high school diploma and went to community college for a couple of semesters, but I have nothing to show for it. I absolutely hated it. I began ditching classes and kind of just rage quit after being placed on academic probation.

Me and my mom moved into a different home because the taxes were too expensive. I had to lend my mom about $5,000 while were in the process of selling our house so the taxes could be paid. We moved into a much smaller place in a different city and I thought things were going okay because she paid me back fully. But just a couple of days ago, she needed to ask me for $3,000 to help. It's really upsetting because I have been looking into buying a car. I'm worried because I don't know how financially stable my mom is and I don't have anything going for myself. Most kids my age are in college dorms and are on schedule for a degree.

Furthermore, I have zero friends. No exaggeration. I am an extremely introverted person, though, so I'm not sure how much this bothers me. Sometimes I wish I had a girlfriend (I am a virgin) or something, but most of the time I prefer to by to myself.

I have no hobbies at all. All my life consists of is working limited part time hours, sitting at home doing effectively nothing on the internet and sleeping excessively.

My sleeping schedule is not healthy. Normally I don't fall asleep until 4 or 5:00 in the morning. I'll wake up at around 1:30 PM if I know I have work in the afternoon. If I don't, I feel like I have to ask myself sometimes "Why should I even get out of bed?" Sometimes I'll wake up as late as 5:00 PM if I know I don't need to be at work.

About 1.5 years ago I would cut myself on the shoulder using a box cutter from work. I did it on my shoulder because I knew nobody would see it. I've never told anybody about it. And I haven't cut since then, but lately I have though. The only thing that stops me from doing it again is the shame I feel afterwards.

I'm worried and anxious about my future. I'm almost 21 years old, and all I really have is a high school diploma. I have no clue what I want to do with my life, and that's what worries me the most. I got decent grades in high school at best. I completely bombed the ACT. I couldn't care less about standardized tests. So the only school I can get into are community colleges.

It's been about 12 months since I've last gone to school. I'm really nervous about going back for many reasons. I feel really pressured around my family, it's like I need to impress them. I have two sisters. One of them is going to a good state college, and the other is well off living in her own place with her boyfriend.

I just feel stuck now. I don't know what to do. I feel bored and at the same time, I don't know what I want. It's like I'm just here.

[bharani1008]

Hi cg92 and welcome. You've come to the right place because people here a really supportive and there is a lot of information for you so you can better understand what is happening to you.
If I were you I'd get medical attention as soon as possible. I'm no Dr. but many of your symptoms sound very familiar and I'm on medication for depression and anxiety. It is working very well for me but it took many trials before my doc got the mix correct.
About your financial situation. I'm happy to hear that there a community college where you live. There are several short term programs for trade type work that might help you get started. Trying to follow a 2 year course just might be too much for you right now. The school ought to have a career counselor who can suggest some avenues to follow. I went to a community college to get my LVN which took 1 year which supported me for a long time. Then I went back when I was 51 to get a 2 year RN. I wasn't able to stay with a 4 year college program. I think there are several short term courses for these types of professions.
You say that you spend a lot of time on the computer. What kinds of things do you like? I like casual games like mahjong and hidden object games.
I hope you feel better soon.

[shezbut]

((cg92))

Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry that you're feeling down and kind of lost. I'm an introvert as well, so I can relate to a lot of what you said. What kind of work are you doing part-time? Do you enjoy that at all?

I went to community college when I was older - I think I was 26 yrs old when I started. As a result, I had a completely different attitude about school than most of the younger students. I took classes that I enjoyed because I had no idea where I was going, I didn't have a plan to go on to a 4-year school. That really helped me! I fell in love with Psychology that way & then decided to go further, and had to take all of the general education classes to transfer. It worked well for me. I don't regret waiting at all ~ that was the right decision for me at that time in my life.

The self-harm isn't healthy, I assume that you know that. Do you have any medical insurance through your mom or your job? I do think that it would be a good idea to see a T. Not necessarily go into the hospital, unless you're considering suicide. Just seeing a T ~ and talking about what you've brought up here could really help you feel better. I see a T regularly, to help me put my thoughts, feelings, and experiences into perspective. Otherwise, I feel rather overwhelmed by life which makes my situation feel worse than it really is.

Gentle hugs to you. Please take care of yourself & whenever that desire to cut pops into your head, try to push it back out again.

[Fuzzybear]