[Laurie_Chocobo]

my 18 y/o cousin has gotten cold & cutting she didnt use to be like this :\

shes been bullied throughout her school years from junior school to high school shes got a medical condition shes had severe depression and attempted suicide about 4 times when she was younger she used to be caring although she had many problems but now shes even changed her personality & dress sense from 'alternative' to like an uber-chav!

shes sarcastic & makes herself unavailable to men apparently & makes rude sexist jokes about men and women when the oppotunity arises she doesnt care about seeing people getting hurt-she laughed when she saw a little kid having a pot of pasta thrown over his head by a gang of lads when we were walking to town & kids were walking back from school :/ she brushes guys in general off

shes like a sis to me & i dunno what to do anymore is there any way i can even help now??

it all got like this after a breakup where her bf said a lot of cruel things about her & told her she was just 'a warm up' to him :/ since then....shes just.....

Changed.

[Leed]

I don't really know what you could do other than to encourage her to get therapy. Is she living at home with her parents? Does she have insurance that could cover therapy?

From the sounds of things, she not upset by how she's acting at all -- so encouraging her to seek therapy isn't going to be any easy task. You might see if she'll have a heart-to-heart to find out if she's REALLY happy with the way her life is going right now, or if this is just an 'act.' She may be acting this way to hide the pain she's in. But only she knows that.

If you can get her to talk, you may find out if she's depressed or what -- and then you could encourage her to get some help. Otherwise, there isn't much you can do for her. Just try to be her friend, and let her know you're there for her. But if she starts putting herself into positions where she could get into trouble, steer clear!

Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Laurie_Chocobo

my 18 y/o cousin has gotten cold & cutting she didnt use to be like this :\

shes been bullied throughout her school years from junior school to high school shes got a medical condition shes had severe depression and attempted suicide about 4 times when she was younger she used to be caring although she had many problems but now shes even changed her personality & dress sense from 'alternative' to like an uber-chav!

shes sarcastic & makes herself unavailable to men apparently & makes rude sexist jokes about men and women when the oppotunity arises she doesnt care about seeing people getting hurt-she laughed when she saw a little kid having a pot of pasta thrown over his head by a gang of lads when we were walking to town & kids were walking back from school :/ she brushes guys in general off

shes like a sis to me & i dunno what to do anymore is there any way i can even help now??

it all got like this after a breakup where her bf said a lot of cruel things about her & told her she was just 'a warm up' to him :/ since then....shes just.....

Changed.

Theres a saying here where I live and wirk....you cant help the unwilling. what that means is those with problems need to recognize they have a problem and then want to change that problem, then they need to want to get treatment, then they need to want to participate in treatment which in turn will help them to make the changes that they need to make in order to heal.

in other words there is nothing you can do for this person. only she and her treatment providers can help her to be the kind of person she wants to be, and only she and her treatment providers can make the changes that need to be changed.. but over all she has to recognize she has a problem and then want to get better for herself.

another thing....sometimes what we see as a problem in others is in fact not a problem for that other person...example I have a friend that is a man basher type person, is very cold where med are concerned, has depression and has tried suicide.. I thought what I was seeing was a problem but for her it wasnt. her attitude against men....she was a lesbian and didnt know it. she ended up in a bad relationship but relationships are two sided....both people in the relationship have to be committed to making it work other wise the relationship turns sour..they both were not right for each other..she didnt know she was a lesbian when she was with him and on his end of the relationship he could not understand her attitudes, lack of interest and such so he began drinking. the end result they broke up blaming each other instead of seeing that relationships have two people in them so theres two sides to what goes wrong in them. my friend felt he was the one that was wrong and such and he felt the problem was all her.

I could not help her and what I was seeing as a problem in her (her coldness and men bashing,) turned out to be my problem....I was uncomfortable with how she was. but i couldnt do anything for her.

as for the depression and suicide attempts...she was already in treatment for those things but like many people who have a mental illness was not telling her family and friends she was seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and was on medication. So again when I found out she was depressed and suicidal I was making it my problem with her and wanted to help her when there was no problem for me to help her with, because she was in treatment and not telling anyone. and it wasnt a problem with her because she felt she was doing everything she could do...she was in therapy and on meds.

my suggestion...as hard as it seems to you theres nothing you can do for your cousin/sis. other than be her cousins/sis..continue to do things you and she like to do together and leave the mental health issues/problems up to her and her treatment providers, or up to her until ....she....thinks theres a problem and ....she seeks out treatment. to do otherwise could put your relationship with her in jeopardy.