[Ames1996]

I don't want to write a long post, basically, I think my husband of 18 years is really depressed. I know the basic symptoms, but is pushing a spouse away one of them? It seems like he want nothing to do with me. I don't know how I went from my husband/best friend a month ago to this. I try not to take it personally, he said he acts like this with everybody, not just me, and that makes me hopeful that it may be HIM, not US.
We have had a very stressful year or so, my brother and 2 small kids moved in with us, where we have been alone and quiet for many years, he lost a job, started school, and taking care of me is a full time job with all my anxiety, etc.
I just came out of a depressive episode, and he took on all the household responsibilities, taking care of the cooking, cleaning, the kids, the house, plus his schooling (my brother isn't much help, and I enabled it)

I guess what I'm asking is.... should I attribute his pushing me away as part of depression? Until a couple of months ago, we were happy, a team.
I also think he may have low testosterone, that he has not been checked for since we thought that may be the cause of other problems almost 2 years ago.
I started therapy last week for my own issues, and he is going to the doctor tomorrow.
I didn't mean to make this so long, sorry about that, but any help would be very much appreciated.

He also has smoked pot a couple of times and started very moderately drinking, and that is so unlike him....The REAL him.

Depression can take on so many different symptoms for each individual that it's difficult to say that "yes, that's definitely what it is". I could probably feel
at ease with saying that it's likely that pushing you away is part of his problem
with depression, and I think your brother's being in the home is a major stress for your husband. It can create a very difficult situation for everyone.

Psychotherapy is called for, in my view, to re-establish the close relationship between you and your husband as the "we" in the home. I hope you both
will find it to be very helpful in your relationship and that you will be able
to remove whatever is causing the distancing between you and your husband.

It sounds as though you really had a good thing going for both of you for
years. So sorry this is happening, but it is amenable to treatment for both of you, and I hope that works for all-round improvement in living.

Take care.

[Ames1996]

Thank you for answering. His behavior is so not like him right now.

[optimize990h]

Hello Ames1996!



Here are some links that might lead you to answers to your questions.

Depression Success Stories - Forums at Psych Central
http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ort-group.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ours-here.html
Health Support - Forums at Psych Central
Men-Focused Support - Forums at Psych Central
http://forums.psychcentral.com/new-m...w-members.html
Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central

[Rose76]

Pushing away the closest people is most definitely a hallmark of depression. At least, for a lot of people it is. I've done that to my significant other when I've been very depressed. At some level, it ends up being kind of a test. When I've been very depressed, I've gotten it into my head that I am not really cared about. I've needed for my S/O to refuse to be pushed away. I did not intend it as a test. It just ends up being that. I would advise that you let you flat out tell your husband repeatedly that you are there for him regardless of how much he seems to be pushing you away. At some level he will probably welcome the reassurance, even though it seems like he doesn't want that.

Depressed people do not excel at being logical.

[Ames1996]

Thank you all so much for replying, I appreciate it so much. It's really hard not to take it personally. I'm trying my best though.

[adam_k]

When I get depressed I tend to withdrawl from everyone, and when people try to ask what is wrong I push them away and don't want to talk about it. I kinda keep everyone at arms length though. Me pushing people away is more about me that other people. Sometimes I just don't have have the strength to he sociable or do anything but want to isolate or sleep. Doing that also adds to my depression, making me feel more alone.

[davmid]

Originally Posted by Ames1996

I guess what I'm asking is.... should I attribute his pushing me away as part of depression? Until a couple of months ago, we were happy, a team.

Ames,
This sounds very similar to what happened to me in that I definitely pushed everyone including my wife away. In my case the symptoms went undiagnosed and untreated and became a destructive force in my marriage. I would suggest you communicate with him as much as possible about what's happening and do whatever it takes to assure him of your love and support and I hope you'll both be on the mend soon.