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May 02, 2013, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bedobones

Hello Sorta_fairytale: So, may I ask how you deal with the stress of keeping everything bottled up? I surmise that you are still not employed. I haven't been employed for a dozen years as a result of my mental & physical problems. Sometimes I think that not having a job is part of the problem. At other times I'm convinced that the only reason I'm still sane at all is because I don't have to cope with holding down a job. For me, constantly having to work at acting "normal" is incredibly stressful & tiring. It makes me "snappish" & always feeling worn to a frazzle.

Well I have 2 Ts for the moment and a Pdoc, so plenty of chances to express myself I guess, ha. I also write a lot in a journal and that helps to decrease my stress. Photography is another hobby of mine, so being creative is a really nice feeling ...I love taking photos, mostly nature stuff.
I have the same feelings re: a job as you do. My last job was very easy and laidback. I also had flex time and tons of holidays and vacation and freedom to dress as I wish, etc. Or cry at my desk if I needed to. That job will NEVER come around again so that is part of the loss I am experiencing now. I miss the environment and some of the people (def NOT all, ha) and feeling useful, but having freedom as well so I could take care of my whacked out emotional states at the same time....that's why that job worked so well for me, for over 5 years.
I agree, I did sometimes feel tired at work from acting normal and being asked what I was doing over the weekend, etc., and I don't miss THAT at all. I tried to reduce those interactions as much as possible because it truly did wear me out.
I hope you find a way to relieve some of your stress...I am still plenty stressed out, don't get me wrong. But even before depression I have always been a very anxious person so I am used to feeling a high level of stress, I suppose.

ajonesiii · May 02, 2013, 09:59 PM

yes I put on the "happy face" , I don't want to stress my family out any more than they already are, they don't understand how I feel so they are walking on eggshells when around me, constantly checking to see if Im ok I feel like if I tell them Im having a bad day and Im scared that will only scare them so I smile and pretend everythings going better everyday. Things are going smoothly for me right now but I am always afraid on those bad days that its not just a bad day. Baby steps.........

May 02, 2013, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajonesiii

yes I put on the "happy face" , I don't want to stress my family out any more than they already are, they don't understand how I feel so they are walking on eggshells when around me, constantly checking to see if Im ok I feel like if I tell them Im having a bad day and Im scared that will only scare them so I smile and pretend everythings going better everyday. Things are going smoothly for me right now but I am always afraid on those bad days that its not just a bad day. Baby steps.........

Hello Ajonesiii: Yes, I do exactly the same thing with my wife. She asks if I'm okay. I either say yes or I'll say I'm just tired (which actually is typically true. It's just not the whole story.) I also typically am getting along okay from one day to the next. But I'm always wondering if today will be the day that everything comes crashing down. I feel like I'm always on the verge.

I'm glad to hear that things are going smoothly for you right now. We must savor those times & remember them if & when things take a turn for the worse later on! Thanks so much for commenting on my post!

Ultra Darkness · May 03, 2013, 01:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bedobones

I think there is some provision for that. I don't know what it is because I did my writing on the computer.

It probably has to do with page count or something.

I can fit about 250 words on a page, which is a lot more than I'd thought.

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