[newlifeyeah]

this is kind of a new thing, I'm experiencing, as i feel better, and I am able to do a couple of smaller activities like going out meeting friends, and all. I get this weird feeling, that I don't know who I am. I've been in this depressive episode for almost 8 months now, and in the last probably 3-4 months it was really deep, I wasn't able to really leave my home, only for short walks. No work, no university, not meeting friends, etc. And now, I'm jogging, and taking anti-depressants, going to therapy twice a week, and in the last 1 month it has started to get better, I feel better, I'm less fatigued, and I can go out to meet friends.

What I started to feel, is that it's really hard for me to get back to life. To a "normal life". It's hard, and that's why my name is "newlifeyeah", because obviously I want to change my ways which lead me to depression, so it's obvious, once I get out of depression I won't be the same person as I was before - in a good way hopefully - so what I feel now, is that I don't really know who I am.

I'm trying to make friends with myself, but it kind of freaks me out, the meds make me sort of relaxed, and sort of in a good mood, but I feel like, I still haven't layed down the fundaments of my "new life", and I feel insecure, I really feel like a little bird that just broke out of its egg...
I mean it still is a lot better than being completely in the dark hole, but I kind of start to realize, that even the "getting out of it" part is sort of difficult and has its own psychological challenges.

thanks for reading!

[allimsaying]

Im super happy for you newlife! I understand where youre coming from. Would it help to look at this as an adventure? Theres going to be mis-steps, dont expect perfection. Im excited for you. You get to create a new you Since the steps youre taking are helping then part of your life could be spent doing those same things. Im reminded of a zen proverb: Before enlightenment, carry water. After enlightenment, carry water.

You get to add new interests or re-ignite old interests in a new way. I understand your apprehension. Try not to burden yourself with over-expectation. Give yourself time, relax, breathe, step your way through it. Expect some setbacks but keep getting up! Have fun with it! Be careful! Best to you always

[1Buster]

I'm very happy for your success! I don't really know about your feeling - "not knowing who you are" - but I know a lot about feeling "not who I am." So take my thoughts for what they're worth.

When I'm feeling better, I want to be who I AM without any expectations of who I should BE. Some of those expectations in the past, I believe, contributed to what I'm dealing with now. So trying to stay short: Take some time to get to know yourself again. Don't feel you must "BE" anyone but who you are right now. And if you are not quite sure about things yet, maybe be limited in what you tell people for a while. Let yourself regrow into who you are going to be without letting how other people think shape you.

OK, after that touchy-feely stuff, here's my basic mantra: "Be yourself as much as you can and don't let anyone convince you that you should be someone else ... but try not to be a **** about it."

[newlifeyeah]

Originally Posted by 1Buster

I'm very happy for your success! I don't really know about your feeling - "not knowing who you are" - but I know a lot about feeling "not who I am." So take my thoughts for what they're worth.

When I'm feeling better, I want to be who I AM without any expectations of who I should BE. Some of those expectations in the past, I believe, contributed to what I'm dealing with now. So trying to stay short: Take some time to get to know yourself again. Don't feel you must "BE" anyone but who you are right now. And if you are not quite sure about things yet, maybe be limited in what you tell people for a while. Let yourself regrow into who you are going to be without letting how other people think shape you.

OK, after that touchy-feely stuff, here's my basic mantra: "Be yourself as much as you can and don't let anyone convince you that you should be someone else ... but try not to be a **** about it."

you are very very right about what you're saying.
I feel like patience really is the key, and not to expect anything from yourself. more like "believe in yourself" or trust yourself. that's the key. To believe that you actually want to be alright, and you're gonna be alright.
but it takes time, and nothing can be forced. that's how I feel. mental illnesses are hard to develop and it takes time, but it's the same for healing. it takes a long-long time, and lots of effort, but not overforcing yourself, and without any expectations, that you HAVE to do certain things.

you are very right i feel the same way. And now, that you're on this road, I believe, that you will be better really really sooN! good luck for you too!
thanks!

[newlifeyeah]

Originally Posted by allimsaying

Im super happy for you newlife! I understand where youre coming from. Would it help to look at this as an adventure? Theres going to be mis-steps, dont expect perfection. Im excited for you. You get to create a new you Since the steps youre taking are helping then part of your life could be spent doing those same things. Im reminded of a zen proverb: Before enlightenment, carry water. After enlightenment, carry water.

You get to add new interests or re-ignite old interests in a new way. I understand your apprehension. Try not to burden yourself with over-expectation. Give yourself time, relax, breathe, step your way through it. Expect some setbacks but keep getting up! Have fun with it! Be careful! Best to you always

Hey,
thank you very much!

Yeah I really do look at it as an adventure. I feel like nothing can be forced, and I'm still nowhere near my "developed" or "complete" self. or whatever. But I am, who I am, and if right now I'm feeling lost, that is who i am.

This is really important for everyone who's suffering with depression. To understand, that currently, this is who you are.
And it's not bad. I mean it's definitely not the best feeling in the world, but it has its causes, and currently that's who you are.
I'm starting to realize, that everything has its reason, and nothing that we're going through should be doubted or should be taken lightly, saying "this is not who I really am".

yes it is. but it will change.

[allimsaying]

To be imperfect is perfect. Its how we were made. To work on improving ourselves is the highest form of endevor. To achieve our goal is wonderfully divine.

[newlifeyeah]

Originally Posted by allimsaying

To be imperfect is perfect. Its how we were made. To work on improving ourselves is the highest form of endevor. To achieve our goal is wonderfully divine.

exactly !!!

[1Buster]

You know what? I kinda like reading happy s*** on here. F-Yeah!!!

[newlifeyeah]

Originally Posted by 1Buster

You know what? I kinda like reading happy s*** on here. F-Yeah!!!

well. I really started my battle with it. And it's the toughest thing I've ever done in my life, but everytime I manage to do something myself, I am happy, and I become stronger. It's more like war, not like just a battle really really hard and exhausting, but I'm gonna defeat it, I know. I'm on the right road, it's just long and tough.
I had enough of it, I'm gonna win this battle.
thanks for the support everyone!

[allimsaying]

Sounds like you could have used a little more rest. The high/hyper you're on is probably keeping you up. I know about the times Ive been on an emotional rush can keep me up for hours/days/weeks, and I feel great but I recognize the feeling of sand in my eyes telling me rest is needed. Get some when you can, dont drink to much coffee or stimulants. The emotional high can be high enough. Relax, meditate, breathe, feel the beauty, love the emotion, take it easy. It isnt going to go away. You found the 'good' place. It isnt going anywhere, it wont go away from you. It will always be there for you to tap into when you need to/want to. It gets stronger with time. God Blesses You!

[newlifeyeah]

Originally Posted by allimsaying

Sounds like you could have used a little more rest. The high/hyper you're on is probably keeping you up. I know about the times Ive been on an emotional rush can keep me up for hours/days/weeks, and I feel great but I recognize the feeling of sand in my eyes telling me rest is needed. Get some when you can, dont drink to much coffee or stimulants. The emotional high can be high enough. Relax, meditate, breathe, feel the beauty, love the emotion, take it easy. It isnt going to go away. You found the 'good' place. It isnt going anywhere, it wont go away from you. It will always be there for you to tap into when you need to/want to. It gets stronger with time. God Blesses You!

well I'm still basically resting throughout most of the day.. just moving out a bit more when I feel like it. But yeah, I'm kind of not taking it that easy these days... don't know. I think it's alright to force yourself just a little bit. not overdoing it though, definitely still chilling and resting a lot.
thank you very much!

[dg1983]

Newlife, congratulations with all the great things that have been happening in your life

I agree with 1Buster, when I feel like myself and most at ease I am not trying to be anything...I am not going out of my way to feel a certain way or be at a certain place. A huge cause of my own depression comes from
the expectations I have for myself and others...it magically disappears whenever I manage to control those expectations.

[newlifeyeah]

You're absolutely right. But sometimes this is hard, because having expectations of myself is kind of a normal and healthy thing to do. Probably if u don't have mental health issues. I think in our case it's better though just to accept ourselves the way we are. It's a long and solitary journey, nobody can really understand what's going on in us...

[Fuzzybear]