[davmid]

Whatever has been going on with me (for many years?) has ruined my life and I didn't see it happening. Or rather, I could see it happening but couldn't understand it or stop it.

And now my wife is gone and my family is divided. I have no way to recover what been taken from all of us. And I'm only now realizing that I've had a problem all this time. My wife tells me this all happened for a reason and that something really good is going to come of it all. And perhaps she's right since now I see that something's been wrong and maybe there's help for me...

But, after 20 yrs together, she's gone. Maybe I will get help and get healthy. She'll still be gone. And I can't see an end to the pain and the guilt of knowing I let her walk away.

Whatever is wrong with my brain has robbed me of my love and has broken her heart slowly and painfully. The precious few years I had left with my kids, and them with their parents, is now completely disrupted. I want to be happy and healthy for them. I just feel so shattered...

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Davmid.

Originally Posted by davmid

Or rather, I could see it happening but couldn't understand it or stop it.

I hope your situation permits gaining an understanding of "it."

Depression is shattering. Have you seen a doctor or counselor/therapist?

Feel what you are feeling, stay safe and please keep posting.

[Cheshire Grin]

Hi Davmid, I'm sorry you have lost your spouse. I've never been fortunate enough to find the right person to marry, but haven't given up hope that I'll find them someday.

I really wanted to share something positive that I read about the end of a marriage: all relationships come to an end, some sooner than we would like. A divorce should not be perceived as a failure but as an achievement. You have given one another all you can and found that it's best that you part ways. Your time together has been a gift and now it's time for you to grow and change on your own, separately. I imagine you are in a lot of pain, but you also have more opportunities available to you now.

[davmid]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Depression is shattering. Have you seen a doctor or counselor/therapist?

Thanks for asking. I had an appointment with a therapist and she referred me to a nurse practicioner for evaluation. That appointment hasn't happened yet. I've also found two local support groups- I'm really nervous about those since most days I'm finding it hard to speak at all about my situation without breaking down. Before we split up, I spent the better part of a year completely shut down- like I had no emotional response to anything. Now I seem to be having only emotional responses!

[davmid]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Grin

You have given one another all you can and found that it's best that you part ways. Your time together has been a gift and now it's time for you to grow and change on your own, separately.

I appreciate that statement and I so appreciate the amazing time we shared together. But I surely don't feel that I gave all I could. I saw it all slipping away but can't understand why I couldn't stop what was happening. I could never get the thoughts and words to come out. And when I could, they weren't the same ones I'd been thinking! I guess, at the time, it was all I could give- I just don't understand why...

I'm hoping this will make at least a little sense to me sometime soon.