Happy on the outside sad inside

I have a real issue here, which I do not know how to deal with.
I smile, laugh and look very cheerful on the outside but inside of me I am a very sad person, I was diagnosed with adjustment disorder, depression and I did attempt suicide a few times.

I am attending my monthly counseling sessions, I talked to my counselor in a very cheerful manner and it seems that she did not find any issues with me.
My superiors think that there is no issue with me and lately my counselor thinks so too. Everybody thinks that I am just trying to get attention and looking for sympathy.

Is it that I am just good at hiding my feelings ?

>I smile, laugh and look very cheerful on the outside
>inside of me I am a very sad person
>Isit that I am just good at hiding my feelings ?

Sounds like it but you arent hiding them from yourself. I actually understand this problem as I did it myself for years. You can run but you cant hide is what some people say.

What would make it easier for you to open up? Have you thought about why you dont open up? Is it something you fear? Or something else?

I think it's good that you can hide your feelings. I've never been able to do that.

Hello qwerty9191, have you tried very fun activities such as going to the beach with your children, family or friends? Or bike riding for example?

I'm no expert, but I have found out from personal experience that excersising many of these activities make you feel very happy and also train your mind on a sence feeling capable of doing things that require training, dependability and a sence of being able to accomplish something, pretty much will keep your mind busy and in return bring feelings of happiness.

When I go on my bike trips I know when I do laugh I laugh with all of my happiness, because of the endorphins and adrenaline released by such physical activities.

"I smile, laugh and look very cheerful on the outside but inside of me I am a very sad person, I was diagnosed with...depression and I did attempt suicide a few times."

Wow, Qwerty, I feel as though I could have written this myself. I've not been told I have an adjustment disorder however.

I briefly saw a psychologist, and decided I didn't care for him, but he did suggest that I have probably learned to hide my depression and suicidal thoughts since I've had these feelings all my life, well over 30 years now.

When I have gone to the psych ward, the other patients don't think anything is wrong with me, either.

I don't want to scare my friends and family, so I don't share with them how badly I feel. I also don't like going to the psych ward, so I've learned to hide myself.

How long can I hide my feelings ?

Which is the real me then ?

Happy(outside) VS sad (inside)

Its called the 2 face,s of depression, one for the public and one for yourself.12

I used to be fairly open about how I felt and what I was going through. Now, however, I'm putting it all behind a mask that says, "I'm fine." It's really what people want to hear, and all they need to know.
I do want to get better, though, so I tell my T, pdoc, and medical people the truth--but on a need-to-know basis. This choice has simplified my life and made everyone around me a lot more comfortable.

yep you can only hide so much, people have an idea we are not the person we portray, but they will never understand.

I think hiding your feeling takes a lot of energy to do, at the same time your needs aren't being meet, or I should say things that are bothering you aren't being resolved. I think it is quite possible to hide your feelings. I've had depression for over ten years and my wife didn't really pick up on it. When I started to feel down and hopeless I would throw myself into school. If that wasn't an option I would just sleep and sleep. I finally told my wife how bad I was feeling and my struggle with depression. I don't know if it doing any good or not. I don't feel any better about things. I find therapy helps. I would suggest be as honest with your T as you can. I think that is the only way to get down to what is bothering you and make improvements in your life. To face the issues that are hard to cope with or challange some of the thoughts that add to depression.

Not necessarily that I think you should do that, let me add. You shouldn't.

I always hid mine , well tried to talk to my old man he was a depressive and the bastard would not except it an treated me like a retard i hate the guy he is dead now. I was bullied but later has i grew i would get into fights i hadnt a chance of wining to prove no body is invinsable. i got quite a name had a D.G.A.F type of guy , made me hero with the ladies to.But your mask has to slip at some time, then you see who your friends are. Im lucky i still hve all my friends im this crazy guy who gets ill, i will talk to anyone about mental illness now if they ask , never tell them till the ask.

I feel it is a constant battle, having to wake up from bed with anxiety and going through your day with a different feeling, but at vthe same time laughing and joking around to people around you.
I am sure I cannot continue like this.
My counselor told me to look at the positive side of things and just go on. I do not find it is helping me